Safe Calls and Safe Words

Author: Raven Shadowborne © April 28, 1999

 A safe call is setting up a designated time (or times) in which the submissive or dominant calls a friend to let them know that everything with the meeting is going well. Many have a keyword that if spoken, means DANGER get me out of here! or something is wrong. 

A safe call may or may not provide legal help. In many states a person calling the police will receive no action from the police until the person they are calling about has been missing for 24 hours. But, it can provide personal help in that the friend called may arrive at the scene at any moment, or somehow convince the police to show up by telling them they heard gunfire or a woman/man screaming for help. 

A safe call, can be a deterrent to an untrustworthy person and keep them from doing something wrong since the likelihood of them getting caught is greatly increased. Each person knows that someone is waiting on a phone call from the sub or dom and if that call is not received, rescue actions will be taken. 

When setting up a safe call you need to be sure the person you will be calling will provide help if needed. You must provide your safe call with all the information you have on the person you are meeting, a picture would be helpful as well. Also, your safe call should have the name address and phone number of wherever it is you are going to be. Your safe call should live in the same general area of where you will be meeting this person. If you are meeting someone in Texas and your safe call is in New Hampshire, it will do you no good and the person you are meeting will know this.

Safe Words

Safe words are a word or phrase given to the submissive (or requested by them) for them to use to stop or slow down scene activity. In many relationships, as time goes on, safewords fall out of use. This is because the relationship has developed to a point where the trust of the people involved is well established and negates the use of safewords. This level of trust is not something that develops over night. 

A safeword is helpful in the beginning of a relationship, and during first meetings. With proper use of a safeword the dominant can learn the limits of the submissive. By honoring a safeword, the dominant aides the growth of trust in the relationship. 

In the case of meeting someone from online, a safeword, in my opinion, is a must. The word itself will not really protect you from physical harm, but asking for one and being granted one is a good indication that the person will honor it. If a person refuses to allow a safeword saying it is "unsubmissive" or such, then I would say there is a problem here and a meeting should be postponed. 

It is easy through the Internet to tell someone that you will accept a safeword when in fact you won't. So it is extremely important to trust your instincts when setting up an initial meeting. If at any time, during the initial meeting, you feel you would rather not go further then don't! 

Again, not every meeting is a crime waiting to happen, but there are people out there who prey on others to cause them harm. It is much better to be safe than sorry.


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