General Guidelines For Meeting People From Online

Author: Raven Shadowborne © Apr. 28, 1999

Meeting a prospective partner in real life can be very exciting. Most meetings go very well and the people involved enjoy themselves immensely. Some continue on to form a relationship in real life that may enter into a live in arrangement or even marriage. Some decide that just being friends is best for them. Some find that they are not the least bit compatible and choose not to further the relationship in any manner from that point. No matter the outcome of the meeting, there are some things which people should keep in mind when planning an initial meeting with someone they've only known through the Internet. 

First and foremost, you are responsible for your own safety, be you a dominant or a submissive. It is up to you to do the things which you feel are necessary to ensure your safety both physically and emotionally.  

Set up a safe call. I will go into more detail on what a safe call is later. These can be very important if you find yourself in a situation that is beyond your capabilities to handle. These can be used by both a dominant or a submissive. They may not be of great help in any legal sense, but can be a deterrent to someone who is bent upon harming the person they are meeting.  

Always get as much information about the person as you can. Their real name, their address, phone number, place of employment, whether or not they are married or involved, and such. If a person refuses to divulge this information, this could be a warning sign that something is not right here.  

Ask your friends if they know this person and what they think of them. This can provide a fresh perspective of a person. Often one is blinded by being too close to a situation to see it clearly, so getting the opinions of others outside the situation can help point out things a person may miss. 

The first meeting should be in a public place and people should know where you are and who you will be meeting. Alcohol should not be consumed as it can cloud one's judgment and make it easier for the person to be taken advantage of. BDSM and alcohol do NOT mix! 

Scening or playing on a first meeting is not a real good idea. Though reality wise, many people do play on the first meeting. It is similar to the "one night stand" of vanilla relationships. Some people are only looking for a one night stand and not a committed relationship. Be sure that your desires for the relationship match your prospective partners. If play is a possibility a play list or scene negotiation form should be used.  

If play is a possibility, a safe word should be given and used if needed. If the dominant refuses to allow a safe word, the submissive should think real carefully before playing with this person, specially if he/she is new to the lifestyle. If you are not the type of person to have sex with someone you just met, then you probably shouldn't play with someone you just met. 

Take your time to get to know the person you want to meet, before you actually meet them. It is very easy to pretend to be something you are not through the Internet. Not everyone is a liar, but some people are. Telephone conversations can help a person to decide whether or not they really want to meet their prospective partner.  

Some people may find the following useful in helping them decide whether or not to meet with a prospective partner they have met online. A person could make a list of questions that they would need answered (and the answers which would fit them) and use this list as a an aide in deciding whether or not to meet this person by the answers that have been given. This list can include such items as their real name and address, and more personal information like kink compatibility, BDSM philosophy and whether or not they are involved with someone else. Include in such a list the things which are most important to you, as well as general questions and safety precautions. In this way, a person can gain a fairly well rounded idea of what the other person is truly like. 

If the relationship has not moved into a committed one before the meeting, remember you have the right to say no if you truly do not want to do what you are being asked to do. (this goes both ways) Listen to your instincts upon these meetings, both before they are planned, and during the meeting itself. Often, your instincts will be your best guide as to whether or not the meeting should go beyond a friendship type thing. Try not to confuse your wants and desires with your instincts.  

Again, most meetings go very well, but there have been some incidences where the meetings did not go well and someone got hurt and/or killed. You are solely responsible for your own safety in these situations. Use common sense and you will find meeting people to be a more pleasurable experience.  

For the previous and next pages in the Cyber BDSM Section Titled "Meeting People From Online" Click the apropriate link here: PREVIOUS PAGE        NEXT PAGE 

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