Dangers Of Meeting Real Life (For Dominants and Submissives/Slaves/Bottoms)

Author: Raven Shadowborne © April 28, 1999

 Submissives are often considered to be more vulnerable in a meeting with a dominant, than the dominant is. In many ways this is true, but as you will see below dominants are vulnerable in their own way as well. Some of the very real dangers facing a submissive are overlooked in the intense desire to experience things first hand. 

The biggest danger is physical harm and/or death. Not everyone is out to hurt and kill people, but some people are. Most meetings go very well, but the dangers are very real. Submissives are often seen as easy prey because their submissive nature can be manipulated to allow for abuse by someone who knows how. A submissive, during a scene, is totally vulnerable to anything the dominant decides to do. This physical vulnerability can be easily utilized by an unscrupulous person and either permanently physically harm the submissive, or outright kill him/her. No number of orgasms or time spent in sub space is worth dying for. 

Other dangers include becoming involved with someone who is in actuality an abusive person. Abusers do not act like abusers from the beginning of a relationship, they know that if they do, they will not be able to keep the person they want. They do so over time and when they know that their victim will not leave.  

A submissive is vulnerable to rape as a real possibility. Some people see submissives as "sex slaves" who are promiscuous and easy. This can slant their expectations of the submissive and can easily be manipulated by a person out to get laid. A person can use this to intimidate the submissive, or outright over power them believing that the sub likes it "rough".  

A submissive is also very vulnerable to emotional and psychological abuse and damage. Submissives are often told about respecting a dominant and being obedient without being told that those two things need not be given automatically to any person that says they are dominant. This can be used against the submissive to get them to do something they really don't want to do and the submissive may very well find themselves in a situation they do not know how to handle and can not see a way out of. 

Dangers For Dominants: 

Many do not think about the possible dangers a dominant faces when meeting someone from online. Often when discussing meeting someone from online,  people think only of the physical safety of the submissive. This is with good reason, but creates a false sense of security for the dominants who are attending these first meetings. There are indeed some very real dangers that a dominant faces in this lifestyle, when they chose to meet someone from online. 

The first danger is legal safety. If a dominant plays with someone on a first meeting, it is a rather easy thing for the submissive to cry rape or assault. Most likely, the submissive will be believed even if the dominant can produce a play list or scene negotiation form to show prior consent. These accusations can destroy people's lives. This doesn't happen often, but it does happen. So be sure the person you are meeting with is trustworthy. (again, this is not all people, just some) 

Dominants also face physical danger to themselves. Specially female dominants. A person can be quite a bit stronger than they originally appear at first glance. Even if they are not, a gun or knife doesn't need a whole lot of strength to be used. There are people out there who do not truly want a relationship, but instead wish to harm others for whatever reason. This danger is present for a dominant. Do not rely on your dominance to be your protection because if someone really wants to hurt you, they will. 

Slander is another danger facing a dominant. If the submissive the dominant is meeting with for some reason dislikes that dominant, they may spread rumors that the dominant is abusive or some other reputation destroying lie. This can also occur if a dominant turns down, or refuses, a submissive's request to play. This can spark anger and resentment and cause the submissive to seek revenge.  With the current air in the community, many people do not find it unethical to "blacklist" a dominant without real proof.  

Again, you are solely responsible for your own safety. Not everyone is out to get other people, but it does happen. With the stakes being as high as death for a dominant as well as a submissive, it is best to be safe than sorry. 

For the next or previous page in the Cyber BDSM section entitled "Meeting People From Online" hit the apropriate link here:


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