My Meeting Experiences & Thoughts About Meeting People From Online

Author: Aleister Blacke © 1999

This article is copyrighted to the stated author(s) and can not be reproduced, copied, reprinted, or posted without the consent of the author. It is used here with permission of the author.



I have been online for almost 4 years now, minus a year break.  In that time, I only have met one person from the Internet, or the IRC, to be more specific.  But, if I may, I'd like to go back just a bit earlier than that. 

I started out on local BBS's (Bulletin Board Systems).  Even before then, I had always kept a close grip on my privacy.  For almost a year that I was on BBS's, I did not give out my real name or phone number or anything.  I began loosening up after that year, and went to parties and talked more with others on the phone, and even having them come to my house to meet.  But remember, these were people I was talking to for a year already.  New people I would meet, I would always be cautious. 

When I jumped to the internet, I remained cautious.  I had even gone to the point of 
getting a P.O. Box if anyone wanted to send me anything, and was even using a different name.  Paranoid?  Yes.  But sometimes it does pay to be paranoid. 

During my time online, henceforth referred to as the IRC, I met some wonderful people. One of these persons was my first sub on-line.  I will call her Lisa.  I live in Northern Indiana, and she lived in Iowa.  After talking a few months online, as well as voice on the phone and exchanging some letters, she came to meet me.  Want to talk about nervous?  I may be Dom, but I am also human (remember this, I'll mention it again later). The weekend she visited was a bad one.  I had to videotape my buddy's band playing at a bar, which meant weird hours (8pm till 2am the first night, 9pm till 4am the second), which put a crimp in time together.  The fact it was raining slush the entire time she was here didn't help.  Oh, did I mention she brought her 11 year old son, too?  I told her on the phone before she left, and again when she arrived, that if at any time she felt uncomfortable, to let me know.  Also, I wouldn't do anything with her unless she was comfortable.  Well, the hours taping, the slush rain, her son being here, and her having to buy tampons...  I guess she didn't feel comfortable, because nothing happened.  And because she felt uncomfortable, I felt uncomfortable.  Could anything else go wrong? Well, yes.  After she left (leaving her son's jacket here, by the way), I never heard from 
her again.  She claimed she was having computer problems, but I had people tell me 
they had seen her, uncollared, in other channels on other 'nets.  So that's the story of ow I've met, real life, the only person I have met from the IRC. 

I am at a disadvantage, I think, because I live in Northern Indiana.  I don't know of anyone else from #Leather_and_Roses in this area.  It seems everyone is East coast, Florida, or West coast.  The only way I could meet anyone is if I took a long bus ride there, or they here.  No one or two hour trips to meet someone, we're talking a day away, at least. Which is a shame, because there are so many people from #Leather_and_Roses I feel very comfortable with.  How comfortable?  I could fall asleep in the same room as them. That's saying alot, considering my paranoia.  I trust someone I have never met so much, I could fall asleep with them right there. 

Which leads to why I am writing this.  Meeting someone, and feeling safe about it.  On the local BBS's, if I had to meet someone for the first time, rather than go to their place, or they to mine, I always suggested a public locale to meet.  My favorites have been the library or a coffee house or McDonald's.  Someplace with other people around, so you can feel comfortable.  Would you rather go up to a stranger's door at 6pm, without knowing what was on the other side of the door, or would you rather meet at McDonald's, where, if you don't feel comfortable, you are easily able to leave on your own accord? I thought so. 

And if I did decide to go to their place (later on, never on the first meeting), I always left a note sitting on my keyboard, with the name, phone number, and address of where I was going.  I should have told someone, true, but even Dom's are allowed lapses in good judgment.  (As an aside, I would like to say that with my size, 6'3", and build, plus what I have been taught, I can defend myself pretty well in a bad situation.  As yes, that has happened more than once.)  The point I'm trying to make is you should never go off somewhere without letting someone, someone you TRUST with your LIFE, where you are going.  It should be someone you are trusting with your life, because you ARE.  Think about that for a minute. 

Now, raven's done an excellent job of bringing up other points, and I will try to add a few more without too much overlapping.  One of the things I mentioned to her was "if you weren't sub, and your Master wasn't Dom, you were both vanilla, would you want to live with that person for the rest of your life?"  Could you find enough attractions between the two of you OTHER than BDSM that would make you want to be with them?  The attraction has to be more than just how the Dom you.  Hell, I can think of a dozen people off the top of my head locally that could probably give one hell of a spanking, but they aren't even the serious Dom(me) types! 

And never, EVER, should you scene on the first meeting!  Get to know the person first. Just because they LOOK like a good Dom doesn't mean that they ARE.  Remember, Ted Bundy was a pretty handsome looking chap... 

And a real Dom will never force you into something you don't want to do. They will instill faith and trust in you, not fear or intimidation. 

raven mentioned newbie Dom's.  Well, I have this theory that some of them saw a movie in which they saw a movie in which a man was slapping a woman around, and it gave them a hardon, and they said to themselves "Hey, I can do that!" So few realize  it's not just  about physical, it's about mental, too.  Someone is putting their trust and their life in your hands, and you have to return that trust 10 fold.  There are some things, before I would use them on someone else, I have had them tried out on me, and I'm talking electricity, canes, and a cat-o-9 tails made out of nylon parachute cord that tore my leg open.  I have also read everything I could find on various fetishes and BDSM, and slowly experimented.  I didn't jump into it blindly, I took it slow, and I am grateful for friends willing to learn along with me.  Between us all, we all had quite a learning experience.  The point I am trying to make here is, anyone can hold a whip, and anyone can swing a whip, but 
it takes someone who knows what he is doing to make the whip become an instrument of pleasure, not pain. 

Just because you are submissive does not mean you are promiscuous, or a rag to be 
used.  You are still a human being.  Never forget that.  When you begin blurring the lines between being a human being, and being submissive, you should leave the world of submission, even if for a couple hours.  Walk away from it, and get out into the world, take a deep breath, relax and cleanse yourself.  And same with Dom's.  For a period there, I got so wrapped up reading John Norman's "Gor" series, I actually began looking at women on the street in the ways he lays out in the books!  That was the time to put the books away, and take a break from what I was thinking.  Find something so non-Dom-like that you are no longer a Dom.  I baby-sit, if that is believable!  Thirty years old, big, scary looking, and a Dom, and I baby-sit little children!  That is my touch with reality.  Well, that and my bad jokes I tell, but I digress. 

If you are submissive, and you meet someone from online, and they turn out to be abusive, or a complete jackass, please, remember a few things:  You do NOT have to submit to them.  You are just meeting for the first time, and there is no law anywhere that says if a Dom takes the time to meet a sub for the first time, she automatically has to submit.  It doesn't work that way.  Also, you do NOT have to take his collar.  You take collars of someone you love and trust and want to be with, not someone you fear.  Also, just because they were rude, obnoxious, abusive, or a jackass, doesn't mean that the next person who'll want to meet you is.  If you grab an apple out of a barrel, and it has a worm-hole in it, you toss it away and you look for another apple.  Sooner or later, you'll find that golden delicious you've been searching for.  It only takes one ass to ruin it for everyone else, but only if you let them.  For every ass, abusive, lurker, troller, etc., there is, there are 
20 nice people.  And even if you don't submit to them, or Dom them, they do become friends, and who knows, maybe through them you'll meet someone, or they'll help you learn who to avoid.  Friendship first, and then Dominance and Submission. 

I know as soon as I submit this, I will think of a million new things to add, so I am sure that I will write a second part to this.  I hope what I've written can be some help to someone. 

To go to the previous or next pages in the "Meeting People From Online" section please click the apropriate link below:


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