Sub Fever

Author: Raven Shadowborne © 3/26/1999


This is a term I use to describe that sense of urgency that many new submissives feel. This sense of urgency creates a dangerous mindset, in that the need to experience everything now overrides the common sense to be careful.

Let me describe this, a person reads about BDSM on the web and it gets them hot. The idea of being bound, spanked, sexually teased, and giving up erotic control to another is highly arousing to them. It stimulates the mind and the body. The person may actually find themselves sitting at the computer and looking at the web sites and becoming uncomfortably physically aroused. (this same scenario works for magazines, books, chat rooms etc.). This person then begins to crave the play that comes with this lifestyle. When they finally have their first experience, even if it is a very light scene, they often increase their need for more. Or worse, foster a false sense of "love" for the dominant because he/she was the only one to create such an overwhelming physical sensation. 

When this need gets too high it will overwhelm one's common sense. The person finds them self thinking "Oh that only happens to other people!" or "I am being careful, I know I am" while going out and playing with someone they just met. Or signing a contract before they fully realize the scope of the commitment they just made. Or entering into a 24/7 relationship before they even know whether or not they will get along with the other person. Or taking the collar of a dominant they've only known a few days.

I remember when I was real new to the lifestyle in the sense that I knew others who were in it as well. I also got that "fever". The urgency to experience everything yesterday if not sooner. I made a few mistakes which cost me dearly on an emotional level and could have cost me my life. When a submissive is in a scene, naked and bound, he or she is totally helpless and at the mercy of the dominant. A safeword is a good thing to have for new relationships, but it isn't going to save your life if the dominant is bent on taking it. Nor will a safe call, a play list or what have you. When a scene is underway, the sub is trusting that the dominant will honor the limits they set up. If that dominant is not honorable or trustworthy, during a scene is a rotten time to find out since it may cost the submissive's life.

BDSM is a lot of fun, but it is also very serious and very dangerous. Yes, the physical sensations are wonderful. The emotional closeness between a dominant and a submissive is marvelous. The personal satisfaction (both physical and emotional) can be quite strong. But none of these things are a good enough reason to risk your life anymore than you have to. 

Slow down, take your time and get to know yourself before you try getting to know a partner. Discovering submission is a powerful thing, that can have many repercussions that you can't even imagine right now. Often, this discovery can shake the very foundation of your beliefs. That does not just settle down over night. Take the time to learn about BDSM in general, the different types of relationships, different levels of submission, and all the other things before you commit yourself to a relationship that you may not be ready to handle. A submissive, who gets in over his/her head, will often wind up with serious psychological problems. BDSM is not all just physical sensation, to many people it includes a deep mental aspect. You have to have at least an idea of what you want out of BDSM, before you get into a relationship that might not meet those needs. 

If you take your time now, you will be grateful for having that patience later. 


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