The Beauty Of Submitting In a BDSM Relationship Submissive vs. Slave Author: Lady Moonfyre © 2/06/2000
All articles are used with the permission of the author(s). |
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In reality
you cannot 'explain' it, you have to show it, If you are free and stronger,
and more 'you' as a result of your submission to the Dominant who enables
that in you, it is totally apparent and
In this
article I offer my experience and opinions as to the differences as well
as the similarities. Any reference to gender is simply to make the task
of writing easier and is not meant to pigeon- Dominants
should be included in and informed of this defining of roles with their
`perspective'; since one handles a slave much differently in and some
areas much differently than one handles a I have noticed
that with the popularity of BDSM growing, especially since chat and message
boards blossomed dedicated to the lifestyle, that the definition of slave
vs. sub has been haphazardly tossed around and new bottoms call themselves
`slave'; new Dominants seek There are many grey areas in the definitions of slave/submissive, many areas where both are defined and act in exactly the same manner, and there are some very clear distinctions that separate a submissive from a slave. Most articles and discussion focus, it seems, on what happens after the collar is already `applied' rather than the method of collaring and acquisition in the first place. Some arguments
put forth the premise that a submissive doesn't submit as fully as a slave.
I disagree with this, rather broad statement. I am going to address that
here, as I don't feel the type You will find a submissive within a TPE dynamic as readily as you will find a slave there; Total Power Exchange is talking about the dynamic of the power exchange within a relationship, based on the simple fact that both parties agree the Dominant controls everything. You can
also find either in a "bedroom only" relationship where the
power exchange is only at certain times with all other parts of the relationship
equal. The level of power exchange and hours of it do not determine the
title' by which the bottom is called any more than it determines level
of submission. A bottom who submits in the bedroom or living room or only
on 'Sundays that are odd numbered dates' or any other number of exceptions
to when that D/s role is acted on. can be equally as submitting as the
bottom who is in a full time 24/7 TPE relationship who never steps out
of that dynamic. The very basic difference when it's all broken down is how the bottom is acquired by the Dominant. Period. After that everything falls into the realms of each individual relationship and is formed to fit the two involved in the case of Dominant/submissive or the rules are laid out for the slave to follow in the case of Dominant/slave. I'll clarify more on that later in this article. A slave
by strict definition is acquired by the Dominant. Choice on the part of
the bottom is not factored in. The Dominant, if they choose to 'collar';
collars a slave using The Dominant's collar. A We live
in an ever evolving world, the word `slave' has been broadened to encompass
choice. In a relationship where the bottom is a slave, the definer for
that would be the acceptance of the A submissive
on the other hand owns their collar and when in a relationship with a
perspective Dominant they deem suitable to submit to, they offer the Dominant
their collar. A submissive can The submissive just as the slave once collared is owned property, and this is where the definitions become grey and similar. Where things move from definition of slave and sub to the definitions of a type of relationship style. There are few differences in the two at this point, though some still do stand out. Some observations and examples of such follow. Obviously there is MUCH crossover as once the collar is one both the slave and the submissive can fit into either category with sometime very minor differences. I attempt to generalize here, a task not easily accomplished and can be hazardous within a lifestyle focused on individuality of relationship. A submissive
tends to serve while always consciously making a choice to submit, many
times retaining rights to individual hierarchy over their personal concerns.
They tend to assist the Dominant in making decisions, be that through
suggestions or being given the freedom to A slave seems to be more likely to retain the submissiveness of their nature on a more general scale, submitting to most Dominant personalities unless otherwise ordered by their Dominants. If they submit to another it is natural and is fulfilling because their Dominant allowed it.A submissive by nature needs to have a voice, a chance to offer their opinion or input before the dominant makes a decision regarding them. Even within the strictest TPE relationships the submissive feels the need to have a voice, realising that voice will be heard, the opinion weighed and then the Dominant will `hand down' their decision which is final. This final decision, if objected to by the submissive can be voiced in a respectful manner, that they wish to be heard on their objections. Obedience is a given, but the submissive does retain the right to expect audience with the Dominant to voice their concerns with the rule and to ask for clarification on said rule. A slave usually does not expect to have that option of having a voice and often times will find it disconcerting and even stressful to be consulted about similar decisions. They expect the Dominant to always be in control and will sometimes take the offer of giving voice a sign of the Dominant not being in control. If the slave feels the need to offer the voice, it is usually after a decision has been made and they may petition to have their voice heard, knowing this petition may or may not be granted by the Dominant. In most Dominant slave relationships, they both feel the decision of the Dominant is binding, some allowing for the decision to be petitioned for change some not. A submissive
generally expects to have some form of control over an aspect of their
lives, whether that is a clause in the contract, or blanket permission
to make decisions on their own in the matters of that aspect. They generally
do not consult the Dominant on that decision, while still informing the
Dominant of making the decision and of their activities in that aspect.
They tend to balk rather Slaves often wish the Dominant to have control of even the most minor details of their lives, leaving no decisions of any weight upon the shoulders of the slave. Even is this is not a ` desire' of the slave, they, simply by choosing slavery should not expect to have any power of decision making unless the Dominant grants it. Slaves do not expect, nor should they, to have the power to make any decision without The Dominant stating it is ok to do so. Slaves tend to function well receiving new orders on a daily basis regarding tasks and expectations, etc. even if these orders are the same every day A continual reminder that they do not own their life, the Dominant does. On that
same thread, Punishments, discipline, the way rules are handled and applied
all vary in relation to a submissive or a slave.its in the nature and
manner of application that the largest A submissive
tends to thrive under positive reinforcement, they strive to please their
Dominant by accomplishing each task and order to the best of their ability,
hoping for reward of a job well done. Punishments for tasks not completed
or poorly accomplished tend to not have to be terribly harsh, as the submissive
already punishes them selves with the idea of failing their Dominant.
They can be a bit fragile to handle in this aspect, feeling that if a
punishment was delivered it must be because they are a "bad"
submissive, and many can equate this to being unworthy of the collar they
placed in their Dominant's control. Many submissive strive for perfection,
so they never need to be punished for what they see as failing their Dominant.
For those ones who are also masochistic S/M play is often a reward, and
is important to their sense of balance. Often a certain A slave also thrives under positive reinforcement, also strives to please in the same manner as a submissive, in addition they also seem to need punishment on a more severe and for 'less warranted' causes than a submissive. They need the reassurance that their Dominant is aware of their every move and that they are indeed owned. Slaves tend to expect punishment on a physical scale for minor infractions of minor rules, feeling lost if they are not punished. They tend to dwell on the perceived failure then will turn that into proof of the `fact' their Dominant is not paying attention to them if Punishment is not quickly dealt out and suitable to the `crime'. Punishment assures them that the collar they accepted is controlled by a worthy Dominant. Often a slave will see punishment as an acceptable alternative to play, or even as being better than play, and differentiate punishment from play by the words their Dominants use during.
I have left out of this completely the people who are simply masochists looking for S/M relationships, though submissives/slaves oftenare such, it is not necessary for a masochist to be submissive/slave or asubmissive/slave to be masochistic.
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Page by: Raven Shadowborne © 2001 Graphics & Buttons by: Aylissa Cair & Raven Shadowborne © 1999 & 2001 |
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