My Thoughts On Being A Switch

Author: LadyMist/mist` Feb. 12, 1999 ©


All articles are used with the permission of the author(s).


 I look back and wish I had a nickle for every time I have heard that a good submissive can not be an effective Domme, or even a good Domme.  I am a good Domme, at least I am told so by my subs. They wouldn't all just be sucking up would they? And being a sub myself, I know the other side of the head space and implements. There is nothing like swinging a flogger and getting a thrill from knowing exactly how it feels, in essence vicariously experiencing the submissive side of the Scene.  My switch tendencies are limited to one head space per person.  What I mean by this is that I do not Domme and sub to the same person. This eliminates the retribution factor; however, this is not my motivation.  As of yet I have not found the person that inspired both feelings. I either want to beat you or get beat by you. ‘EG’

I am not attempting to say that I am the only type of switch or that mine is the only way people can switch.  This is my way, my experiences, thoughts and feelings.  I have met others that switch that approach our lifestyle differently with success. Sometimes more than I have had, sometimes less. 

The fact that we define our own terms and clear our own paths, make for a wonderfully diverse population. Unfortunately we (as people) are not as tolerant as we should be to others facing the same motivations and trepidation we are. My motivation is to be the best Domme I can, delve as 
far into my submissive side as I can, and do this with grace and tolerance.

I found my dominant side in college.  I had the privilege of attending an all female institution and reaping the benefits thereof.  My Abnormal Psychology professor became my mentor and trainer (after I had passed from her class of course.)  She was a very private member of the D/s community in the southern US due to fear of losing her children and alienating her family. The very reason I find that most of us here in the Bible belt hide in the very back of the closet.  She helped me find my way through my limits as a Domme, enabled me to learn the various techniques needed to wield implements with some safety, all without intruding on my relationship with my first girlfriend and later… collared slave.

She taught as well as demonstrated how a chain of command can work in a multiple or ployamorous situation.  And once that pecking order is established (however the members - or dominants ‘G’ - decide to do it) and it is clear how one can move up (or down) the chain, peace can be summarily achieved in the Dom/me’s household.  For example, in my current situation I am always submissive to Milord whom I have been married and collared to for 6 years.  I am responsible for his house, his  submissives, and his finances.  No matter how I choose to delegate all these things are my responsibility.  In this type of hierarchy the ‘first girl’ needs to be authoritative and ‘switchable’.  Otherwise, unless she can come up with an alternate way of accomplishing everything, she is going to be stuck doing everything herself.  Not my cup of tea, needless to say.

I graduated from college and my submissive went back to Australia but the teaching of my mentor has stayed with me.  As a result, I could handle losing my first collared one with grace, helping her find a Domme that was respected in her country.  I have continued to grow as a Domme. I have  changed my conception of safewords versus trust, preferring the latter to the former. I still believe in the checklist for negotiating scenes with new (or newbie) subs.  I no longer feel like I have to Domme the world to be respected. (I was really new myself at one point.  ‘S’) 

The teaching I still carry with me and for which I am most grateful is the ability to use implements properly. My mentor had a varied network of friends with many years of technical experience under their collective belts. By the time I had moved from pillows and posts to flesh and bone I knew  quite a bit about wielding a whip. (And a cane and a paddle and…)  Another benefit to this knowledge (which I wish somehow into the head of each and every submissive) is the recognition of a Dom/me’s technique, whether superlative, efficient, or sloppy.  When I am approaching the ‘fly-zone’ or deep subspace (insert your favorite term here) the gratitude for the talent and skill exhibited is intense. (Kind of a ‘been there, done that’ or ‘been there, screwed that up’ situation)

The only thing about being a switch that I have had trouble growing into is the fact that we seem to be viewed as a different species (albeit a less desirable one) to dominants. 

“Normally I am not attracted to switches”

“Why?” the imp in mist will ask.

“They are not easy taken into subspace.”  “They are more inclined to be SAM’s” “They are not as easy taken over and broken” on and on ad nauseum.

Does that mean we are stronger, more informed, less submissive?  I believe that the wannabe’s in question might think so. I am no stronger and no more informed than any other established submissive. I am different. And who among us has never had to come to terms with the fact that we are different?

Hearing that I am less of a submissive due to the fact that I can and do Domme does hurt and does bother me.  When I give my gift, it is with no less care and trust as any other sub.  And I do not, ever, want to switch and turn the tables on him or her that has placed a collar on me. Although these  kinds of power struggles have floated a boat or two. 

Hearing that I can not be an effective Domme does not faze me much.  Those who utter these things are not likely to ever feel my presence and I do not expect respect.  I earn it from those who choose to grant me their gift.  And to date not one has ever said that they have suffered neglect in the collar  of a switch. ‘S’ This switch.

Yes, I am complicated. Yes, I do have the weakness of speaking up when something is being done that can harm. (For example: tails wrapping around to the front of my neck.) Yes, I do suffer from pride.  The negative type that says I can withstand anything a Dom/me can do. Yes, I do cherish and  protect my own. Yes, I do hurt when I am belittled for being who and what I am.  I can not change these inclinations any more than I can change my sexuality. Nor would I choose to. I am a switch.

If certain people or actions inspire you towards submitting, and still others make you want to pull out a flogger and go to town, you might be a switch too.  This is not a bad thing. I have had one submissive liken switches to diamonds, multifaceted and precious. I am not sure what face I show the  world today, but rest assured the others are there.  Turn me around.






Back To Journey Into Submission
E-mail Site Owner
Back To Home Page


Page by: Raven Shadowborne © 2001

Graphics & Buttons by: Aylissa Cair & Raven Shadowborne © 1999 & 2001




LnR Toy Store

Site Map


To hear of changes to the web site, or events taking place in the chat room, enter your e-mail address and click on the button below to join the LnRannounce mailing list. This is an announcement list only and is of very low volume. Or if you prefer, e-mail Raven ( ) to be added to the list, be sure to include your e-mail address and the name of the list within the e-mail.

Subscribe to LnRannounce
Powered by
Link To Domination