What BDSM Is To Me, I Author: subdancer © 2/17/1999 |
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The following article taken from an email response to the dom_sub mailing list, used with permission of the author. Questions:
what is BDSM about? Is it sexual? Mental? emotional? a combination of
one or more of those? Is it purely physical sensation? What is it about
for you? What do you get out of it ? What keeps you coming back? Could
you live without it at all in your life? When
i first entered into BDSM i did not even know what it was called, i
only
knew what it was; control and discipline and punishment for lack of
either.
i became a very stoic somber child. i experienced the working end of a
crop
at a very early age, too early in my eyes. Too early in most's eyes. A
chronically
happy people minded child became a shadow haunted lurker, who if met with
negative reaction to her coming out of her lurker's corner would rush
back to it in tears. A deep fear of displeasing anyone was made the most
dominate
part of my thinking. Had i not met the woman i call Godmother at age 11,
i feel i would have been lost in a lurker's darkness.<or dead at an
early
age>. i give her full credit for awakening the suppressed
dominant in me, and
she did it only by being my friend and the backbone
of my support system when i moved away from the control of my early childhood.
Even with her strong support she only learned my childhood secret last
week. Doctors decided they would/could cure my BDSM, all they cured was
my strong need to be secretive over my past and with that led me to accept
it openly. As
a child my experience in BDSM on one hand gave me the security i did not
have in a family with 5 kids and parents who worked all my waking hours.
i had to overcome a lot of negative learned beliefs i had because of dealing
with BDSM before i was able to form right ideas because of it and with
that find so much more in BDSM now. <God Travis Tritt is fine>
OOPS side road hee hee. Anyway,
and now get a lot more out of it.<BDSM> i have met a lot of "Doms"
who use BDSM to gain control of an asset for their wallet, but there are
many who are so much better than that. i have a thing for Doms, especially
ones who are strong but not afraid to admit they are pussies when it comes
to pain. :) i myself am a pain slut and not into inflicting pain. But
don't get me wrong, if pushed i can do it, if pushed the wrong way, you
won't like it.
My reintroduction to BDSM and learning the truth behind it's followings
has made me in my life a people person again. It has made me stronger
in facing everyday life, and all the new experiences each new day brings.
i have learned where i stand and the strength i hold. i see in BDSM a
helper in controlling the part of me that can so easily run wild, and
is a place where i can be accepted for who and what i am and what i believe.
People like i am who see pain as a tool to become stronger and feel alive.
BDSM is all of the things you asked about for me, and no i don't think i could live my life without it in some form.
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Page by: Raven Shadowborne © 2001 Graphics & Buttons by: Aylissa Cair & Raven Shadowborne © 1999 & 2001 |
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