Awaiting The One

Author: J. Mikael Togneri ©

Used With Author's Permission


Among the minority within the class of submissives to whom slavehood is a vocation and slavery the ultimate goal, many are happily collared. Many, many more, however, are not. They are still waiting for their One, the master or mistress to whom they can give their lives completely, their submission totally, and their consent unconditionally. Commendable though this patience might be, the waiting can appear more than just a little frustrating at times. What does one do when every fibre of one's being is screaming for submission, while one has not yet found the person to whom such total submission seems right and natural?

If you belong in this group, or if you are simply biding your time for any one of many perfectly legitimate reasons, there is in fact something you can do. You can spend the waiting time "preparing" yourself. Note the quotation marks, however. There is a distinction here that is vitally important to make. You are not doing this for "the One to come", you are doing it for you. Why? Because if you do it for "the One to come" you run the very real risk of ending up worshipping an idol of your own creation with which no dominant, no matter how good, stands a snowball's chance in hell of competing. Instead of preparing yourself for "the One to come", consider it improving your own marketability.

Most of it is a matter of common sense. You probably already know what dominants generally tend to look for. Some of it you'll have down pat. Ignore that and get the other areas up to specs, then work on improving the whole. Here are some of the things you might look at:

- Read. A lot. BDSM material is fine but not essential. Practice reading long passages and distilling the relevant information out of it. You will need the ability to recognise the essential parts of a message right away.

- When you've read a novel or a short-story, retell it in short, concise terms. Bear in mind that the screenwriter behind Gone with the Wind was asked by the producer to tell the plot, the particular twist and the special ending of that story in three sentences. He did, the script was sold and the rest is history. It can be done, and as a slave you will be expected to express yourself with the fewest possible words, leaving out all non-essential detail.

- Monitor your speech. Your voice most be soft and discrete, yet clear enough so that the dominant won't have to ask you to repeat. It has to carry authority and humility at the same time. Practice singing, if only in the shower, but don't be bashful. It works wonders for voice control.

- How is your handwriting? Try practising calligraphy. It's fun, it's decorative and it will make your notes and journal both easier and more pleasing to read. It also teaches patience and focus.

- How are your spelling and grammar? These are extremely important. Without them you simply cannot express yourself in a pleasing fashion. Also weed out colloquialisms and swear-words. Foul language has its place – when you're invited to use it. Besides, your mom will love you for it. Here's an example of how important it can be: no matter how great her potential, if a would-be trainee's written application to me contains two spelling errors (incl. typos) or more, she's ditched. If she doesn't take me seriously enough to proof her writing, how can I take her seriously at all?

- Learn how to convey good wishes without making them sound like commands. "Good night" is acceptable; "sleep well" is not. "I wish You a speedy recovery" is acceptable; "get well soon" is not. "Good day" is acceptable; "have a nice day" is not; and so forth.

- By the same token, learn how to avoid asking questions that indicate a desired response. For example, some waiters have the deplorable habit of asking patrons if they enjoyed the meal, or if one dish or another was to their liking. Although the intent is no doubt to show an interest in the well-being of the patron, it is not only extremely tacky, but it comes off as daring him to say that something was wrong. Besides, what are you going to do about it once the said meal is over? If he cannot just keep quiet altogether, it would at least be much better for the waiter to say, "I hope you have enjoyed your meal." That is a statement, not a question, and it is up to the patrons how they wish to respond, if at all.

- As you go about your daily errands, observe the people around you. Notice their gestures, their peculiar gait, the way their faces change expressions during a conversation. You need to be aware of the smallest signs to the point of telepathy. A slave is nothing if not supremely observant.

- Don't just walk into a room, enter it. Map it out thoroughly as quickly as you can. Particularly how to get from the door to [choose an item of furniture representing a dominant] by the most direct route. Walk on carpet as much as you can without taking any detours. When you have that down, try leaving the room without turning your back on the [dominant]. This can be fun too. And infuriating.

- Pay attention to what you're doing and finish each movement before you start the next. Getting up to take your mug out to the kitchen? Don't grab the ashtray as an afterthought on your way out of your chair. In fact don't reach for either until you're standing up. Take your time. You have all night. A slave’s movements must be graceful and discreet, yet purposeful and economical, at all times.

- Monitor your gait. Are your footfalls heavy? Step more lightly. You don't want to be heard walking through a room, much less felt. Walking is not just a matter of getting from point A to point B. Like all other movement it is a display of personality, and nobody wants a sloppy slave.

- Doing the TV dinner thing to save time? Quit it. Switch off the computer and make yourself a two-course dinner, serve it at the dining table which you have properly laid out complete with candle and cloth napkin. Do this every night. If you feel silly eating like that by yourself, bring a book, don't have the TV running if you aren't watching it anyway. Get yourself accustomed to silence. Love it, don't loathe it. And take your time with your meal. Why would you do this when there's a chance you'll be eating in the kitchen from a bowl on the floor? Because you'll also have to cook so you need to build confidence in your cooking and the ability to taste your way through a recipe rather than relying on it to the letter.

- Work on reducing your sleep. Nobody needs 8 hours. 5-6 is entirely adequate; the trick is to consistently sleep well throughout that time. Find out when that is and go to bed half an hour before. Get up when you wake up, don't lie around, even on Sundays. As a slave you may not be able to sleep more than the strict minimum and you may not even be doing it in a bed.

- Develop lots of little routines during your day. Then break them. The overwhelming majority of your service will consist of routine, but emergencies always happen when it's least practical for them to do so. You need to be able to respond with grace and efficiency. The minute you're interrupted in your dish washing because you're needed to do something else, those dishes must instantly cease to exist for you.

- Train yourself in giving pleasure, bodily and otherwise. Work on your inhibitions; a slave is not entitled to privacy. Learn how to give massages. Get used to the idea of sexual practices that might gross you out. If your dominant wants you to perform that way it does not necessarily follow that he is particularly interested in knowing, much less wearing, what you just had for lunch.

- Train yourself in receiving pleasure. When your dominant touches you, he expects an honest, uninhibited response.

- A few pounds above your ideal weight? Get rid of them. A few pounds below? Add them. Barring a small number of physical disorders that affect these things, contrary to politically correct fallacy, body weight and shape is very much a matter of choice. This is not about male-chauvinistic sexist ideals, but about having sufficient personal discipline to treat your body with the respect that it deserves. You don't have to look like a glamour model or the Marlboro man by any means, but you do have to look the way nature intended.

- Do you have emotional "baggage"? Work through it, with or without professional help, but do not rely on a future BDSM relationship to do this for you. BDSM has no therapeutic value, and dominants have no business pretending to be shrinks. At best a BDSM relationship will do nothing to help you deal with past traumas, at worst it will aggravate them. It is up to you to reclaim your life completely, before you enter into such a relationship. How can you give something to someone, if it isn't really yours to give away yet?

- Is there a particular household chore that you hate? Become an expert in that particular chore. You may never learn to like it, but you will at least become so good at it that it will not take more time than absolutely necessary, which it probably does right now.

- Train yourself to spend increasing amounts of time on the floor. Spend the night there occasionally.

- Follow world news. Go to museums. Listen to music. Make yourself able to converse on current issues. You don't need to know every single name in government, but you do need to be able to at least ask intelligent questions.

- Most important of all: get out, see friends, have fun. You are a slave, not a hermit, and you must always be alert to the danger of building up your own cosy little world to the exclusion of everyone else – including your One.

The foregoing may seem exhaustive but it's merely the tip of the iceberg. Think up more things for yourself; that alone is training because creative thinking is valued in a slave. The greatest value of all, however, is you. The point is not to change into someone else, but to become more you. Always keep in mind that you are doing this for yourself. And yet, stay flexible. When you do meet the One, s/he will probably want to change some of the ways you do things. Be ready and able to adjust swiftly.


Back To Essay 7: Sex Or Sickness?

Forward To Essay 9: Superficial, Shallow, and Condemnatory




Back To Essay Index Page
E-mail Site Owner
Back To Home Page


Page by: Raven Shadowborne © 2001

Graphics & Buttons by: Aylissa Cair & Raven Shadowborne © 1999 & 2001




LnR Toy Store

Site Map


To hear of changes to the web site, or events taking place in the chat room, enter your e-mail address and click on the button below to join the LnRannounce mailing list. This is an announcement list only and is of very low volume. Or if you prefer, e-mail Raven ( ) to be added to the list, be sure to include your e-mail address and the name of the list within the e-mail.

Subscribe to LnRannounce
Powered by
Link To Domination