Author: Unknown

Whenever possible, permission to use a joke is gained from the author.

For Immediate Release

The Assville Brat Association is proud to announce the New Year's Day Grand Opening of D/SNEYLAND, Assville's first theme park.

There's something for everyone at D/SNEYLAND! >From your first glimpse of the graceful spires of SOBBING BEAUTY'S CASTLE from the windows of the DOMORAIL, to the midnight FANTASY IN THE SKY FIRECHEEKS display, you'll be enchanted by all that D/SNEYLAND has to offer. So buy one of those double red balloons for your favorite brat, and get ready for the experience of a lifetime.

Start off with a leisurely stroll down the authentic PAIN STREET, USA. Visitors of all ages (18+) will wander happily through the PANTY ARCADE, where Tops can test their strength, and brats will especially enjoy the classic WHACK-A-MALE game. Make sure to stop by our PAIN STREET CINEMA, featuring continuous showings of all your favorite spanking scenes from "I Love Lucy" to "McLintock."

Begin your exploration of D/SNEYLAND proper in FANTASYLAND, with a delightful look at kink around the globe in IT'S A S/MALL WORLD. Explore the ocean depths with 20,000 LICKS UNDER THE SEA, thrill to the antics of (NOT SO) SNOW WHITE AND THE SEVEN DOMS, and top the morning off playing the naughty schoolgirl or boy on MR. HEADMASTER'S WILD RIDE.

Does your taste run to old fashioned woodsheds? You'll find what you're looking for in FRONTIERLAND. Take a turn in our genuine stockades [10 minute limit during peak hours] or check out TOM TAWSER'S ISLAND. Remember to make reservations early for our extremely popular COUNTRY BARE JAMBOREE show.

If you're looking for something a little more exotic, ADVENTURELAND is the place for you! Subs will love being kidnapped, chained and taken advantage of by the PIRATES OF THE CARRIBEAN, while Tops will be unable to resist the adorable and compliant ENCHANTED TIKI BRATS.

In the late afternoon, visit LIBIRCHY SQUARE for an educational tour of the HALL OF IMPLEMENTS, and prepare yourself for the ever-popular HAUNTED DUNGEON. But be careful! Our terrifying, cane- wielding schoolmasters roam the streets of the square searching for naughty truants.

Late evening is the best time to visit TOMORROWLAND, where you can relax in our heavily padded seats and watch the history and future of corporal punishment in the CAROUSEL OF FLOGRESS. Or for the truly daring, prepare to scream through our most exciting ride, SUBSPACE MOUNTAIN (Note: persons with heart conditions, back problems, or severe welts are advised not to ride).

Before you leave D/SNEYLAND, be sure to stop by the gift shops which sell souvenirs of all shapes and sizes. Choose from the dozens of novelty paddles, take home a pair of "I GOT SPANKED AT D/SNEYLAND" panties, or start a collection of porcelain figures of your favorite D/SNEY characters in compromising positions.

Coming soon... EPCOTK CENTER, featuring the all-new SINGAPORE PAVILION!