Recently, I have been playing with a woman who is brand new to SM. In fact, I was the first Top she'd ever played with. Besides the incredible ego rush anyone would get with "deflowering" a SM virgin, I also discovered something else: how exhausted I was after the first time we played!

Originally I thought there was something wrong with me, that I was getting old or maybe I needed more sleep before I played, etc. I mentioned this to a Pro Domme acquaintance of mine here in the San Francisco scene names Mistress Marisha.

Marisha pointed out that "new subs" tend to take a lot of energy, being as they're so new. You expend a lot more energy with someone like that, because you want to "go slow and easy" with them at first, you want to be conscious of every sound they make, every move they take, any kind of signal that they've had enough, and so forth. Once you get familiar with them of course, it all becomes much easier.

But it gave me the idea for this issue's column. What are some good ways to "pace yourself" during a scene and avoid either exhaustion or in some cases "top drop" that happens after a satisfying scene? Here are a few thoughts:

Go slow. Don't put out all of your energy in the scene, try to hold something back if you can. In the heat and passion of a scene I realize that's not always easy. In fact, it may be impossible for you to do this. But I found that doing this the next time we played helped quite a bit. And I'm not advocating going softer on your bottom, just being aware of the pace you are playing at. If you think you're expending too much energy, slow down a little.

I have a Dom friend who when he plays with his sub, makes sure to bring along an energy drink that they both drink from time to time. It allows them to continue their scene for a longer period of time. While I have yet to try this approach, feel free to do this yourself and let me know if it works. Your mileage may vary of course!

What about after the scene is over and your sub and you are both quivering masses of jello? Again, here are some suggestions:

- Put on a favorite CD. I played recently with someone and had my stereo on a local station. After the scene was over and we were snuggling, an all-time favorite song of mine, Stevie Ray Vaughan's Rivera Paradise came on and it sounded so much more exquisite after having done a mutually satisfying scene. Your favorite music can be tremendously uplifting.

- Ask for a hug from your partner. Sometimes as Tops I don't think we realize that aftercare is as much for us as it is for our subs. One time after a scene, I still was on a major high and my friend left. About half an hour later I crashed and felt alone and abandoned. I made sure the next time we played to get a nice big hug from her. It felt like I was getting some "energy" back from her as well as the fact that hugs just feel good.

- Try switching roles. One time I had someone tied spread-eagled and was doing some erotic teasing. After I finally let her cum and untied her cuffs, suddenly she grabbed my arms and next thing I knew I was tied up! I wasn't sure how I felt at first about this, but then I realized to just relax and let it happen and allow myself the pleasure of being at her "mercy." Sacrilege you say for a Top to let this happen? Well maybe, but at the time I was too damn tired to complain too much and hey it felt good to lie back and let her "do me" for a change!

Sometimes in the joys of playing we tend to get so wrapped up in what we're doing that we forget that it's ok to slow down during a scene, take a "small break" or ask for "help" from our partner.

Until Next Time,
LS