Greetings all. I took last issue off because this thing called "Real Life" got too much in the way of my putting out a column. And I really hate when that happens. But it did give me the opportunity to give a long thought to how D/s can permeate our whole existence if we let it. And while sometimes it's good to take time away from it, it also shows us how examples of D/s relate to the "vanilla world." I'm a huge football and baseball fan (of course given the time of this column, it will be the wrong season for both). But in those two sports, you have a "head coach" or "manager" whose job effectively is to watch his players and use them all effectively enough that they will win their contest. And also too I've felt the "head coach" is supposed to set some kind of example for his players to follow.

And I've always felt a Dominant should do the same thing. He should of course always provide guidance to their submissive and set examples for them to follow. While "winning or losing" is not what SM is about (in spite of some Dom/mes' expectations to the contrary), setting examples and showing your sub that you have goals for them that you expect them to meet is part of the whole D/s dynamic. Being human as we all are, we're going to fall short of this lofty goal from time to time even if we like to think we're all perfect. In my opinion, admitting the occasional failure is not a bad thing; it proves to your sub that even if you are the Lord/Lady Master/Mistress of the Universe, you are still human. And for that matter, so are they.

I mention this because a couple years ago I got involved in a minor traffic accident. I hit a parked car and damaged the driver side rear view mirror. I could have easily left the scene and no one would have been the wiser. Fortunately, my conscience got the better of me and I pulled over, found out who owned the car, contacted them and explained what happened. Now if I had a slave with me who honoured me, what kind of message would I be sending if I had driven off? She'd be left to wonder whether I could be trusted or the next time she did something bad, would I be able to admonish her without her reminding me of what I had done?

Ok..a minor point but still I feel strongly as Dominants we should set examples for our subs to follow. If as a Dominant you don't try to conduct yourself with the highest honour and good intentions at all times, what kind of Dom/me are you really? And the same holds true if you're a sub. Wouldn't you want to show your Dom/me that you are worthy of their trust? After all a collared sub is a "reflection" of their Dom/me and someone who "gets into trouble" constantly probably isn't going to stay collared to that that person very long.

When it comes to D/s, we talk a lot about various positions and "commanding" the sub to do this or that for their Dom/me. And that is of course all well and good. But it really doesn't mean squat if deep down the Dom or sub is dishonest. There are those both in the vanilla world and D/s world who use the philosophy of "Do as I Say, not as I do." Well hey if that works for the two of you, cool. It wouldn't for me for the reasons I mention.

It's hard to take someone seriously who is doing actions you strongly disagree with, if what they are doing you find immoral or again dishonest. Or the ones who say one thing and do something else all the time. While in all D/s relationships, what the Master/Mistress says is final, there can be room for discussion, and hopefully if an issue like this comes up, the relationship is strong enough that it can be dealt with honestly and a resolution found. If not, what the hell are you doing together?

Just my thoughts, rambling as they are at times.

Until next time,