Trust In BDSM

Author: Raven Shadowborne © Nov. 13, 1999

Trust is difficult to define because it means different things to different people. Some say that trust can only be given over a long period of time, during which the one requesting the trust must earn it. Some say that everyone gives at least a small amount of trust to others in order for a relationship to begin. I personally, agree with the second school of thought. Trust, is an integral part of a BDSM relationship. Without it, there can not be a relationship. 

A submissive must trust the dominant with their very life. Once a submissive is bound and gagged, nothing can stop the dominant from killing them if the dominant chose to. So it is imperative that the submissive plays only with a person they trust with their life. A submissive must also trust the dominant to have thier best interests in mind, and to care for them, not abuse them. A submissive must trust that the dominant has considered all options before ordering them to do something. 

Trust, however, is not one sided. A dominant must trust the submissive as well. In many instances the submissive is in charge of many important things, like paying bills on time. The dominant must be able to trust that the submissive can handle these tasks in a responsible manner. A dominant must be able to trust that the submissive will tell them the truth and uphold the rules set for them. 

Both participants must be able to trust the other with their thoughts and feelings. WIth their vulnerabilities and strengths. Open and honest communication is a way of building trust, and is required in a BDSM relationship. This level of trust takes time to grow, it does not happen overnight. Trust will grow with consistent actions from both people and a good working level of communication. In this way, the people show that they will do what they say they will do. Unfortunately, in a relationship such as BDSM, trust can easily be broken. When that happens many people just end the relationship thinking the trust can not be repaired. In actuality, in many cases, it can be repaired if both people want to. 

Trusting someone can run into a few snags if the person has been hurt in the past. It is difficult to immediately trust a new person, when fears of being hurt are still around. In this case, patience and consistency can go a long way towards building trust. 

The best way of knowing whether or not you truly trust a person is to listen to your instincts. Have faith (trust) in yourself and your instincts. This is not always an easy thing to do, but doing so is the best guage of whether or not a person is trustworthy. 



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