Consensual Rape Fantasies

Author: Raven Shadowborne © 1998

  Rape is a terrible crime that has nothing to do with sex and everything to do with someone using sex as a means of attaining personal power through subjugation of another person. It is a power play by someone who probably feels they have no personal power, so they use rape as a means to feel powerful. It is a horrible act that is devestating to the victim, be it a man or a woman. Interestingly, rape remains a rather common fantasy among women. I am not saying that women who think  or fantasize about rape, truly wish to experience a real rape. Usually these women prefer to be overpowered, feel helpless, and in some way this scenario removes from them any responsibility for enjoying the sexual acts which are "forced" upon them. But they desire it in a safe manner. With someone who they KNOW will not truly injure them.

   These fantasies play a part in BDSM. To many it is considered one of the darker sides of BDSM. Many people enact these consensual rape fantasies with their partners, and I have been involved in discussions about them. One group of people I have discussed this with chose to call these fantasies "ravishment's" because the word rape has a well deserved reputation of violence.

   For some the enacting of a rape fantasy is a way to regain power in themselves that they lost due to a  rape or molestation in their pasts. (not a treatment I would recommend but it is one I can understand) For others the helplessness and "overpowering" of the male over the female in such a scene is the major turn on. While knowing that at all times, they are actually safe from any real harm. It can be a very releasing scene to do. It is a very tricky scene as well and not something that should be done without careful planning and a lot of discussion before hand. It is a role play scene, like teacher/student, daddy/daughter, or boss/employee. But a rape fantasy has specific instances all it's own. For example for it to feel real the people involved must play their roles correctly, while watching closely for signs that the scene is going bad. For the "victim" in the scene, it is easy to trigger a panic attack through uncovering old abuse that was repressed. If there are abuse issues in the past of the submissive, it is extremely important that these things be discussed in depth before such a scene is even attempted. Try to find any possible triggers and avoid them in the scene. 

   Fantasy rape if done correctly can be a very intense scene for those involved. It includes such things as psychological effects as well as physical ones. The participants must be aware of these effects. It is a good idea for both participants to do some research into the psychological effects of rape. This can make it easier for the dominant to spot any possible triggers that may occur, or become aware of the scene going awry before it reaches a point of real damage. Remember, such a scene is psychologically and emotionally dangerous as well as physically dangerous. I believe that such a scene should never be undertaken without a safe word. It is far too easy for this scene to get out of hand and the submissive must have a way of stopping it should the need arise. If a rape fantasy scene is being discussed and the
dominant does not offer  a safe word, then the submissive should, in my opinion, ask for one. If it is not given, then the scene should not be consented to. Remember that all scenes (except punishment) are done for mutual pleasure and in order to achieve pleasure the participants must feel safe and as relaxed as possible. A safe word helps provide those things.

   Such a scene takes careful planning and carrying out. I believe that such a scene should not be done early on in a relationship because quite simply the participants don't know as much about each other when the relationship is still establishing itself. After care with such a scene is highly important. The submissive may have entered a true victim mindset (overpowered by fear), and have some trouble adjusting when the scene has ended. It is imperative that the dominant reassures the submissive that he/she is safe, loved, and cared for. Things like cuddling, massage, a bit of pampering, or other such soothing actions can help make the transition from the rape role play back to normal functioning. After the scene, it is imperative as well, that the participants discuss the scene. what happened, what went wrong, what they
liked, didn't like and anything else that comes up around this scene. Most likely these conversations will take place more than once. 

   Just like the major difference between domestic violence and BDSM is the informed choice to consent to the activities, the same thing applies here. An informed choice to consent to such a fantasy enactment is what prevents it from being an actual rape. A rape victim had no choice. A submissive who participates in a rape fantasy has chosen to do so.

This article was published in the Feb/March 2001 issue of the online magazine: The Crystal Bridge



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