What Is Pain Play?

Author: Raven Shadowborne © 8/29/1999

Pain play is a major part of many people's BDSM relationships. It is often misunderstood by many people, even those in BDSM. It is also the most frightening yet exciting part of BDSM for those just learning.  

The simple definition of pain play is: Any kind of phsyical interaction that causes pain to one of the participants. This can include mild pain (a light slap to the buttocks) or very severe pain, such as nailing a body part to a board. 

The different levels of pain play that are out there, are not something that one has to look at as a goal to reach. For example, if someone you know likes very heavy pain play interactions with their partner, it is not neccessary for you to think that you must aspire to that same degree of pain. There is no magical level of pain play that makes one a "real" dom or sub. It is highly personalized. 

One of the greatest misconceptions of pain play is that it is abusive. In fact, the opposite is true. For those who enjoy pain play (specially heavy pain play) it is desired, sought out, and wanted. For a masochist, the pain isn't really painful once their body kicks into sub space or such. It is not only consented to, but can often be asked for. Abuse is not consensual and the victim does not ask for it. For those who enjoy pain play, it is just another way of showing their devotion for one another and enjoying the physical sensations they can arouse in one another. 

Pain play often frightens people who are new to the lifestyle. They see pictures or hear stories of people being flogged with a single tail whip until they bleed. These images can create thoughts of "Oh my god, how can he/she like that!!". It can often make someone feel that if they do not engage in pain play, they are not involved in a BDSM relationship. This simply is not true. Not everyone enjoys pain play and pain play is not what makes domination or submission. There are many relationships that are d/s in nature, but not at all B/d or S/m. This is no way says that the relationship is not BDSM.  

The other thing that it seems many people are not aware of is that the level of pain a person can physically enjoy, will grow over time. It isn't something that starts out at the level of "nail my breast to this board please!". For me personally, it started out with very mild spankings and has grown from there. I still have not reached the level of nailing anything to a board, and by some people's defintions, I am a "light' masochist.  

If you find yourself dreaming of being spanked, flogged, slapped or other painful acts, do not think you are crazy. You are certainly not alone. Also, if you prefer not to have any pain play in your relationship, you also are not alone.  

It isn't a neccessity, but is instead a desired activity that is of great pleasure to those who enjoy it. 



Back To General BDSM
E-mail Site Owner
Back To Home Page
Page By: Raven Shadowborne © 2000
Graphics and buttons by: Aylissa Cair and Raven Shadowborne ©





LnR Toy Store

Site Map


To hear of changes to the web site, or events taking place in the chat room, enter your e-mail address and click on the button below to join the LnRannounce mailing list. This is an announcement list only and is of very low volume. Or if you prefer, e-mail Raven (ravenshad@knology.net ) to be added to the list, be sure to include your e-mail address and the name of the list within the e-mail.

Subscribe to LnRannounce
Powered by groups.yahoo.com

National Coalition For Sexual Freedom

Link To Domination