What Is A Collar?

Author: Raven Shadowborne © 1998


  What is a collar? What does it mean? These are questions I have been asked many many times. I will attempt to answer them here. Collars themselves take many forms in reality, they are any close fitting band around the throat. Most traditional collars are made of leather or metal and have a ring(s) embedded in them. There are also collars made specifically for show, these are usually more ornate in design and not meant to use in bondage, though some can be depending on the construction. As the wearing of a traditional collar can interrupt with work and other real life duties, some submissives wear chokers. These can be pearls, ribbons, a cameo or some other close fitting necklace. I have also heard and seen some submissive that wear anklets as their symbolic collar other people have been known to use a tattoo instead. As you can see the choices are varied, limited only by your imagination and what is right for you and your dominant.  

   I personally view a collar as an honor for both the submissive and his/her dominant. It is an honor for the submissive to be given a collar and for the dominant to have a submissive he/she feels is worthy of their collar. A collar is the property of the dominant who places it. Should it be removed for any reason, it should be returned to the dominant. Again, this is a personal choice.  

  The wearing of such an object in reality has many reasons. To show your status as a submissive, to show ownership, to remind the submissive of her status, and to signify the comittment between the dominant and the submissive. The wearing of your collar, no matter the form, should be taken seriously and with pride. While you are collared to a dominant your behavior reflects upon him/her as well as yourself. The collar somehow shows who your dominant is. This can be something as simple as his/her first initial or his/her personal symbol.  

   A collared submissive is usually untouchable unless his/her dominant gives express permission otherwise. I have seen D/s groups where the submissive within the group, can be disciplined by any of the trusted dominant's within the group, should his/her dominant be unavailable at the time the infraction occurs. I am assuming there are also groups where the submissive can be used sexually by any dominant within the group, but I have not personally run into that. Mostly what I have seen are one on one relationships where the collared submissive is the sole property of her dominant and untouchable by others without express permission.  

   Many couples will draw up a contract, detailing each person's responsibilities wihtin the relationship prior to actually placing a collar. These contracts can go into as little or as exacting detail as the couple requires. The act of placing a collar is a personal thing. It can be a full blown ceremony, similar to a wedding, with guests and all or just the couple alone speaking the words that mean the most to them. A collaring ceremony is a personal choice and one that should reflect the bond the collar stands for. 

  With the coming of the cyber age, many new people are learning about this lifestyle through that medium. Unfortunately alot of the information available upon the nets is not exactly accurate. For some a collar is but a piece of jewelry, of no significance or importance and easily removed. But for most of us the collar is an important symbol in the lifestyle. Some people liken the collar to a wedding ring, as a symbol of the comittment the couple has to each other. The accepting of a collar should not be done on a whim, nor should it be taken lightly. Alot of discussion should precede the collaring. These discussions (usually termed negotations) should include what a collar means to both parties, what would cause the removal of the collar, and how both parties prefer to have a collar accepted. Some people say the dominant should always be the one to offer his/her collar, others say it is allright for the submissive to "beg" for the honor of wearing a collar. Through the negotiation and discussions with a prospective dom or sub, the best way to go about a collaring should become clear. For example: those who prefer a more complete giving of control as is usually found in the standard Master/slave relationship, the slave will beg for the collar. Again, like so many other things, this is a personal choice and should be whatever fits your relationship best.   



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