Play Tips For Beginners

Author: Raven Shadowborne © 2000

The aspect of "play" in a BDSM relationship can be scary and confusing for those who are new to it. A common misconception is that one has to have pain play in the relationship, this is not true. Another common misconception is that play starts at an intense stage and stays there, this is also not true. For those who are beginning in BDSM, are anxious to try different types of play, but wish to go slow, it is often hard to find information that meets those needs.  

Most people will agree that taking it slowly is the best course of action, specially if you are new to the physical aspects of BDSM. It is dangerous for yourself and your partner(s) to rush into things you do not know how to do. Practice and planning are essential when trying new things.  

When a couple who is just beginning to bring bdsm into their lives, encounters the physical play aspects, it often raises fear in the submissive partner. It is best to go slowly. Start with very light play. A soft velvet or real supple suede flogger. A velvet or suede flogger causes almost no pain (unless you snap it real hard) but does cause a very erotic and arousing sensation. It is used by many of us as a warm up or sensual toy, when the focus is pleasure, not pain. Such a flogger is difficult to cause damage to your partner with, so is a wonderful "learning" flogger. It takes a great deal of effort to make a velvet flogger actually hurt. Use light strokes at first, increasing the pressure of each strike over time. This allows both you and your partner to adjust to the increasing sensations and learn to relax with the implement.  

Another beginning way to play is with gentle bondage. In the beginning choose a wider rope that is very soft. Spread eagle on the bed is a good one, either on the back or on the belly with pillows under the stomach. Many find those velvet drapery tie backs to work very well. Again, the softness creates a more erotic feel, yet allows the sensation of being bound to come through clearly. Also, being softer, they are less apt to dig into the skin if tied a bit too tight, or they slip. ALWAYS have a pair of sharp scissors handy in case you need to cut the rope to release the submissive. There is a possibility of really soft bonds slipping and tightening the knots with the struggles of the submissive.  

Basically, just about any type of play you have read or heard about, can be brought down to a lighter level and used by the beginner with a little forethought and creativity.  

In the beginning, keeping the focus on pleasure and arousal can go a long way towards alleviating the fear of these new activities. Always discuss the scenes after they are done, to learn what your partner liked, didn't like, or such things. These discussions are of great benefit when thinking of another session to come. However, it is imperative during these discussions, that both parties give their honest feelings and thoughts. If the submissive wanted the strikes to be harder, they must say so or the Top/dominant will not know when to take the play to the next level.  

Always play safe, try the toys out on yourself where appropriate before using them on a submissive, and always practice technique and aim with any flogger until you feel comfortable using it, before you use it on a living thing. (A velvet/plush pillow is great for practice because the change in the material's color tells you where the tails landed) Remember, a scene is for the pleasure of all involved, so tailor what you do to your specific preferences (and those of your partner) and allow nature to take it's course. Have fun! 



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Page By: Raven Shadowborne © 2000
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