BDSM According To Nala

Author: Nala ©

Used With Author(s) Permission


It's not that easy to explain what it is, practicing BDSM, to those who don't know what you're talking about. I'll give it a try anyway.

I'm Ingrid, a dominant female. This means I like to give my boyfriend, who's my sub, a great time in the way I desire. I love to see him respond on the things I do to him. It's my kink to see him enjoy the things I do, to feel the trust he's giving me by letting me do all that to him. It's a thrill to feel his body against mine, curled like a child in my arms, after a good play. There aren't words enough to express the feeling it gives me.

What does this have to do with BDSM? Well, reading the above it could fit in any relationship you mention, a lot of people will recognize the feelings I described. The difference is made by the way I give my boyfriend a great time, the rules we both set about it and all the words we spent on talking about it.

I don't look at myself as a sadist, just because I don't like to whip, wax or bind no matter who. The whip itself means nothing to me, it only gives me a thrill because it makes me think about the good time I'll give Paul with it next time we'll be playing together. It's the instrument, together with the thought about the next scene with that special person which makes me shiver.

According the books I am a sadistic woman, because hurting someone excites me. Even so Paul is a masochist, for being hurt excites him. That sounds frightening, but it isn't, really. Pain is a strange phenomenon, sometimes it's lovely, but most of the time it isn't that great at all, it just hurts. Hurt is something Paul knows too; he doesn't enjoy the dentist or bumping his head. Even when I would whip him all of a sudden, he wouldn't like the feeling it would give him.

What's it all about? It's the setting, the atmosphere we create, Paul giving himself to me, the thrill it gives me, the excitement, building up a scene, making a single stroke with a whip feel exciting, tickling the nerves in a positive way, turning us both on.

I've written a story for Paul (Coming home), which I haven't translated yet. For those who understand Dutch, it's available (De thuiskomst), in the Dutch section of this site. It's about a scene, shows the feelings the sub has during this scene. I wrote the story with the sub as main character, because it's the way he feels and responds turning me on. I'm working on translating it right now; it will be available as soon as I'm finished.

Being together like this, aware of each other and each other's feelings, are the basics of our very strong, deep relationship in which love and care for each other are most important. It's the way we both are happy with, we both desire, we both made true. It could influence your thoughts, the way you act, while you're shopping or driving your car. It's in your nerves, from head to toes. It's expressed in small things, a movement, a look on his face, a chain, making you thinks about a former scene or creating settings for a scene yet to come.

BDSM is a part of me, therefore a part of my life. It's just a part, not my whole life, but it is a part deep inside. It was a part of me when I was a child; it only grew during my life. Those feelings are part of the person I am, I can't turn them off, I never found the switch to do so. Once discovered, it will always be a part of you which is impossible to neglect, it will never leave your life.

I've accepted those feelings and I'm lucky I've found someone to share them with. We don't only share our love for BDSM, we share a lot more, we're partners, friends, pals, lovers, with the same hobby: BDSM.

I know I have someone next to me, who takes me the way I am, supports me all the way, with whom I can be myself, with whom I am happy, sharing my life. Paul, thank you for all you're giving me, it means more than I can say to me.



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