Understanding Equality

Author: MstrCerebus aka Sam Guss © 2001
Mr. Alabama Olympus 2002
Contributing author to the C.A.P.E. web site

This article first appeared on the C.A.P.E. web site and is used here with MstrCerebus's permission


Editor's note: Please bear in mind that the author is writing from a heterosexual male Dom/fem sub point of view.

It never ceases to amaze me those who look down on someone for their particular bent in the lifestyle (Top or bottom) or feel that Dominant equals better and submissive equals lesser. Now not many people admit to these feelings, after all it wouldn't be politically correct and let¡¦s all admit and take a deep breath of reality, even though our chosen lifestyle is not politically correct to the mundane world, we have our own sense of political correctness within the lifestyle. Yet though some may not admit openly about this particular philosophy they show it in their mannerisms, their looks and even at times in their comments (outside those made in obvious jest). You, the reader may be one of them and I would especially encourage you to read this. If you're not one of them still read on, perhaps you know someone who should read this article or at least are told the highlights of it.

Dominants and submissives are equals. Period. No ifs, ands or buts about it. Just because I am the Dominant partner and the one in charge does not dismiss the fact that my submissive is on equal footing with me. It's a matter of relationship. However you call the bound between a Dominant and a submissive, there exists a very real and breathing relationship between two people. And in the D/s relationship it takes two types of people to make a D/s relationship work correctly, a Dominant and a submissive.

It does go beyond just needing a Dominant and a submissive in a D/s relationship to make equals. Each person in whatever type of relationship you have with anyone you are involved with has a set of expectations, a set of rules and a set of priorities we recognize about each other. The D/s relationship is no different. Now I have heard the argument, "I am the Dom, so I set the rules, the expectations and the priorities". Well good for you, don't all of us Doms do that? Yes, but only the foolish don't realize we can only set these rules and expectations and priorities to a partner who as an equal has her own set of rules, expectations and priorities she needs. As much as a Dominant expects a submissive to follow their concepts of rules, expectations and priorities, a Dominant must be willing to do likewise for a submissive. Both partners need something within a relationship. Yes a submissive wants to have rules and sets of priorities and expectations set for them, but they also have some needs of their own that a Dominant needs to fill. Before we go stroking our egos thinking, "yeah they need us", let us not forget we want/need them as much as they do us.

It is this wanting/needing of expectations that makes Dominants and submissives equal. It is the very fact that it takes a Dominant partner and a submissive partner to make a D/s relationship to work, that makes Dominants and submissives equal.

To both Dominants and submissives a piece of advice: want your partner to make you happy and do all that they can to nurture you? Do the same back. Dominants lets face some facts, we want a submissive to be in control, to be the one who is looked up to and adored, to be served and taken care of like WE demand to be taken cared of. What makes us more special than our own submissives that we can't do the same back and treat them in a manner which lifts them up and makes them feel as special as they make us feel? And the liner of "she adores sucking my cock" is bullshit. While SOME exceptions will be out there, women do NOT like the taste of semen as a steady diet and have other things on their mind than sucking your dick all the time.

This does not mean let them stop swallowing or sucking of course. It means recognize that what THEY want/need will most likely be different than what you want. This isn't to say they have no interest or even desire to please you and your wants/needs but they also need the same care they show us. Some of you may be sitting and reading this and wondering, well how do I show the same care they show us? Find out from your submissive. Take time to actually ask what they want to do once in awhile, or better yet get to know your partner so well that you don't have to ask, you can just do.

A submissive who is treated as an equal instead of a lesser being is more apt to be more self-assured, better able to handle situations when you are not there to handle them and will take little if any shit from others when you're not around. Now some of you may be sitting there thinking that is not how a submissive should be. I argue that your primary role as a Dominant is to be able to release your submissive into the world stronger and better off than before she knew you and able to do it ALONE. After all, no relationship lasts forever, even if it is death to us part. Make sure your submissive can handle being on her own if and when the time ever comes. You can start by making sure you're equals.

© 2001, MstrCerebus






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