In The Beginning There Was A Fantasy

Author: Miss Kat of S.C. Lock ©


For some of us, choosing this lifestyle is an expression of what our fantasies have been for a good part, if not all, of our lives. Others find that the fantasies started later in life, and still others just fantasize about it now and again. There are many different "levels" in this lifestyle, none of them better or worse than the others, except two: being on a different level than what really suits you, or being with someone who wants and needs different things from the lifestyle than you do.

It is very important that you really think about what you are really seeking from the lifestyle. Fantasies about tying people up, does not necessarily mean that you want to be the Dom/Top, it could be that your subconscious has not accepted that it is "ok" to be submissive, so it only knows how to express itself in the manner it does. Likewise, the opposite. You need to look beyond what just the fantasy itself is about, think about what it is exactly about that fantasy that is turning you on, and take it from there. One of the most important lessons we, as humans, can ever learn is to accept that you have a right to be happy, a right to have your desires met, fulfilled and surpassed, and a right to be acknowledged for who you really are.

Many men have a problem with the societal view of "the man must be in the control" position, after all it is what we were taught, it is what is accepted, and that is called "normal". If a man were to know that he was submissive, where does that leave him? Females have the same problem. Society has taught us to wait for the guy to ask you out, wait for the guy to kiss you, and obey your man. If you are a dominant woman, this can make the dating scene a little rough, since everything in your mind and soul is screaming that this just does not feel right, and "who says he gets to decide everything when I am included in this situation too?!!?" Trust me, I have been there. But eventually, you hopefully learn to accept that it is ok to be who you are and express yourself naturally. If you don't, you end up being one of those women we have all seen who acts like they are submissive to their husbands, but who are using every feminine wile in the book whether it be pouting, whining, temper-tantrums or sex, to get their husband to do things the way they want. Actually, submissives do this as well if the person they are with is not as Dominant towards them as they need them to be. Hmmm, how to tell the difference? Each individual case is different. Only you can decide which side of the equation makes your soul "sing." Only you can decide that you are entitled to be in the role that truly makes you happy.






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