You Can Dress Up, But Can You Be Seen In Public?

Author: Miss Kat from S.C. Lock ©


Ok, so now you have decided that you want to embrace all that the "lifestyle" offers you. You know what your role is, you have learned or discovered many things already, and you are interested in learning more. You have done some research, and you have found that there are local groups around you, so you decide to go. Now what? What can you expect? What is going to be expected of you? What are the "silent" guidelines that people follow within the lifestyle when in a public setting?

These are all good questions, and hopefully you have actually asked yourself these questions and maybe more. For many of you, deciding to go to a munch, or gathering, whatever it may be called, is a tough decision to make in the first place, especially if you are planning on going by yourself.

The good news is, typically the basic idea of the group you are going to go visit has your comfort in mind. Do your basic, common sense investigation of the group, and then if you are comfortable with how they are behaving in the beginning, you will probably enjoy the group of people that they represent.
(Remember, like-minded people tend to gravitate to each other).

Another piece of good news is the social interactions of a lifestyle group in a munch-type setting basically follow the guidelines of "normal" social settings. You are treated as a regular human being who is entitled to the same respect they would like for themselves. If you are a submissive, no one will expect you to be submissive to them just because you have on that color nametag, or because you stated you were a submissive. If someone does that to you, (I will go ahead and apologize for them *handing you an icy stare to throw at them*), you might want to consider a different group, or, since it could be a fluke, find one of the other people in the room that you feel comfortable with and voice your concern. If you are a dominant, please read and understand the preceding sentences. It is a common misconception when entering this lifestyle that if you say you are a "Dom" you automatically get the respect of all who come into contact with you. While it is the case that you will get the "common courtesy respect" that is given to all human beings when they are first introduced, that is where it ends? The rest comes as you earn it. As for you submissives, just in case no one ever told you before: You have every right to decide to whom you will submit. You are not public property; you have a very special gift, so choose who receives it carefully. A smile and a "no, thank you" will do nicely, and you can excuse yourself with grace and charm. And you never know, a Dom worthy of you could be watching.

Once you are in a group, you will discover which person is with which other one, what the level of their relationship is, etc. You probably at this point are aware of "collars" and other symbols of committed relationships. Each of those relationships are different and have the guidelines stipulated by the two involved. It can get confusing.

Here is a basic rule of thumb: if someone has a collar, or even if they don't and you know they are involved with someone, it is probably best to keep a respectful distance from the submissive, whether the submissive be male or female. Overtures to the submissive, requesting whether or not the submissive would like to play with you, physical contact with the submissive, are all things that should be approached very carefully and with some trepidation. It is always best if you consider someone in a relationship as totally off-limits, especially if you do not know them very well, this will keep you out of difficulties completely. However, sometimes you have a relationship with someone, then someone else comes along and your friend is now in the category of "collared" or "owned" or "in service to," now what? It is actually very simple.

Ask the dominant involved in the relationship what the guidelines for you are and follow them. It shows the dominant that you respect both them and the submissive enough to show support for their newfound relationship. Please keep in mind, yes, this lifestyle means that the "kinky" things in life are embraced and sought, however, just because someone is in this lifestyle does not mean that they embrace ALL kinky things. It does not mean they get into "swinging." It does not mean that multiple partners are what they are seeking. Treat "couples" in the lifestyle as you would a "normal" married couple. Distance should be kept from both the Dom and the sub to show your respect for the relationship they have or are developing. (Yes, that goes for you submissives as matter how dang cute that Dom is!)

One of the things to remember is when some couples are at group functions, they use it as a time to "serve" and "be served." In other words, some aspects of the social function, for that couple, are "play." The submissive could have roles and duties that need to be full-filled and you don't want to be a distraction for them. The most common guideline for lifestyle functions is respect for all around you, whether they are submissive or Dominant. It means checking your "rude hat" at the door, keeping your hands to yourself, being courteous, and enjoying yourself. Nothing is more attractive than a positive attitude illustrated by an air of self-confidence and a smile.






Back To General BDSM
E-mail Site Owner
Back To Home Page


Page by: Raven Shadowborne © 2001

Graphics & Buttons by: Aylissa Cair & Raven Shadowborne © 1999 & 2001





LnR Toy Store

Site Map


To hear of changes to the web site, or events taking place in the chat room, enter your e-mail address and click on the button below to join the LnRannounce mailing list. This is an announcement list only and is of very low volume. Or if you prefer, e-mail Raven ( ) to be added to the list, be sure to include your e-mail address and the name of the list within the e-mail.

Subscribe to LnRannounce
Powered by
Link To Domination