Fantasy vs. Reality

Author: Justin Medlin © 2001


So, how did you find the scene? What was your first fantasy? A lot of people find the scene today through the Internet, which is, in my opinion, a double-edged sword. The net has been both the best thing and the worst thing that has happened to the lifestyle in recent years: Good because of the number of people who genuinely want to find it and want to see and experience what it is really like in the real world, bad because of the number of people who come in with only what they see and "learn" on the internet or who are driven by the fantasy images that they have dancing in their heads via popular erotic fiction and expect to find that the real time world of BDSM is exactly like that. Rarely, if ever, is it.

The Internet has opened up a world of information and disinformation that is available to anyone with the click of a mouse, and having nothing else but what is presented on the net to be the "truth". People take what they have read here as factual. I love the net. I started here in 92. I found what was to become the lifestyle that I lead today because a real life friend of mine took the time to take me to the channels that she hung out in. I became very hungry for real time information, so I could really see and try what just talking and cybering about, felt so right and natural to me. I was lucky , in that I had a real life friend to help me and that it only took me 5 years to find a real time group and community. Five years….it makes me smile now, because again through the net you can find, clubs, groups, organizations and events throughout the country to go, learn and see from in person. That again, is one of the good things to me about the net…it can lead you to sources of information that are genuine and good, if you take the time to research it.

Unfortunately so many people get heated up from what they have "done" online and can't wait to play, thinking that from what they have "taken" online has adequately prepared them for the same things in real time and that's the submissives. The Doms who have been online a year or more also seem to think that what they have learned play wise online makes them an expert at the real thing when the time comes. It ain't so folks.

You CAN learn a lot about negotiating, what Safe, Sane and Consensual means, safe calls, etc. You cannot however know squat about either using a flogger, single tail, cane, paddle, restraints, cuffs, wax, needles, or anything else until you have had in person teaching on how those "toys" are supposed to be used, see them used and see what they can and will do. Subs, you cannot take what you have endured online in cyber play and "know" what it's going to be like for real. It's a fantasy. It's hot and sexy online, but what you have actually "endured" or "taken" is keystrokes.

I have watched many people come out to public play dungeons, misrepresent what it is that they can do or enjoy or take and find out the hard way, often with very bad results what the reality is. Play when done correctly and within the limits of what a person enjoys can be hot and sexy as hell, but that folks, takes real time education by people who know what they are doing and talking about. Those people are out there and willing to help new people coming into the scene, learn. But how do you know who they are, how do you find them and then how to know whether they are who and what they represent themselves to be, or perhaps, someone that is full of the liquidity brown substance that shoots out a yak's ass? It can be done, in most cases easily if you take the time to find out how.

I'll talk about that next month. In the meantime, enjoy online, it's fun and it should be…but don't let yourself be drawn in and hurt or worse, by someone who either does not know what they are doing, or worse yet, looks for people to hurt using BDSM as an excuse.

Now that I have your attention, feel free to e-mail me. I promise to read each one of them, but cannot promise that I will respond to them.

Justin Medlin

Now that I have your attention feel free to email me. I may or may not respond to the emails, but I promise to read all of them.

Copyright Justin Medlin © March 2001
Reproduced by permission of Justin.
All rights reserved, do not reproduce in whole are part without the express written consent of the author. Originally hosted by







Back To General BDSM
E-mail Site Owner
Back To Home Page


Page by: Raven Shadowborne © 2001

Graphics & Buttons by: Aylissa Cair & Raven Shadowborne © 1999 & 2001





LnR Toy Store

Site Map


To hear of changes to the web site, or events taking place in the chat room, enter your e-mail address and click on the button below to join the LnRannounce mailing list. This is an announcement list only and is of very low volume. Or if you prefer, e-mail Raven ( ) to be added to the list, be sure to include your e-mail address and the name of the list within the e-mail.

Subscribe to LnRannounce
Powered by
Link To Domination