The Art Of Polyamory

Author: Michael Krause ©

Author Web Site: Passion Wolf. Com

Used With Author(s) Permission


As an explanation to you why my girls and I have chosen a polyamorous life, I was tempted to be glib. I often define Polyamory to individuals as coming from the root words polyester and amour thereby explaining its meaning as a "shield against cheap uncomfortable material". However, I will be more forthcoming with my explanations for this e-zine. The reader's who subscribe to this forum have legitimate questions and deserve open and honest answers.

My girls and I live 24/7 as Master/slave and now I have 2 girls. I have been in poly relationships on and off for nearly 20 years. When it works, it works beautifully. When it doesn't work it is disaster. There is no middle-of-the-road in a poly relationship no matter how many people are involved. Trouble with one individual in the "family" ripples like a stone thrown in a pool. As calm as the water may be before the stone is thrown, the aftermath ripples seemingly endlessly.

Why would anyone choose to live in a situation that could shatter before his or her eyes with one misstep? The same reason monogamous couples marry everyday. They have faith they can beat the odds. Statistics are stacked against them long before they make the trip down the aisle, yet they go anyway. They go because they believe they will be different, that their love will last a lifetime. I believe that no one on this earth can be everything to another individual. I believe that we achieve the ultimate balance in our diversity. I believe you can give your heart to more than one. It is in giving yourself that you grow to be more than you are.

Before I wander too deep into my philosophies I will address how I have refined Polyamory into my life in a way that works for me. Today, I have two girls. There is no pecking order in my house. Each girl brings all of her strengths and all of her weaknesses into this house. Both girls are equally devoted to me. The difference is not in their commitment but in their ways of showing their commitment.

Den came to me first. She is a creature that lives on pure emotion. She would do anything in her power to make my life easier. She would ultimately sacrifice herself to that end if I would allow it. Spirit has been with me a year now. Spirit is outspoken, logical and practical. She also would do anything in her power at anytime to make my life easier. Yes, she would also sacrifice herself to that end if I would allow it. As you can see, my girls are the same while also being as different as night and day. They love and respect each other because of their sameness and because of their differences. I love each of them for everything they are together and apart from each other. It makes a perfect circle in our lives.

Having said that, I don't want to leave you with the idea there is never conflict. There is always conflict in life and loving relationships. The key to minimizing conflict is the same in a poly relationship as it is in any other relationship. If you are to overcome conflict you must exist in an environment where open and honest communication is the norm and not the exception. If I see a hint that one of the girls is upset I deal with it immediately. It is my house and my responsibility to make sure there are no misunderstandings. Hurt feelings and anger only grow when they are allowed to creep in. Once firmly planted, they are impossible to extricate. The moment I feel any tension in the house it is dealt with and laid to rest. No one in this house ever goes to bed angry or alone.

My girls are not bisexual. They love and care for each other as sisters. I have been asked many times how I have managed "to get them to get along so well". My answer is simple. If a girl belongs to me, her priority is to care for me. If both girls care for me why would they not get along? They have a common goal. They may take different paths to reach their goal but the goal is the same. There is nothing in life that brings people closer than having a common goal. A common goal is the reason this country was founded, that religions exist and political parties still thrive.

I have expanded a bit on their need to care for me. I use the word "dungeon" as a catchall. I have focused the girls to care for the "dungeon" first and all else second. All facets of our lives fall into the word "dungeon". The word covers the family, the business, the house and each individual within. As you can imagine, if the girls are doing what needs to be done to take care of the "dungeon" they are also taking care of themselves and each other. In this way, I have turned the triad of our relationship into a perfect circle.

A polyamorous life is easier to maintain within a home than outside. The rest of the world is no more ready to deal with this than they are with D/s or BDSM. We throw Polyamory in with BDSM and mix well. We live quietly and discreetly. It keeps the villagers with torches and pitchforks away from the front door. Co-workers and neighbors must think we are close "friends". Extended family reactions must be dealt with.

My family, including my Mother, is loving and encouraging. The girls are treated like daughter's-in-law or sister's-in-law at any of my family gatherings. Den's family believes we are sick and demented and have traversed well down the path to hell. Spirit's relatives know of our life and have come to place where they can comfortably agree to disagree with the way we live. Den and Spirit both have children now officially or almost grown. Their children have accepted their life choice in stride or a sense of humor outwardly voicing, "Mom you always were a little strange." Frankly, living long enough to have one's children think them strange is a benefit we had not counted on but readily accept!

Day-to-day living is not much different for us than for any couple. We pool our finances into a household account. The "dungeon" has a budget that includes everything from paying the electric bill to buying new shoes. The "dungeon" has chores that must be done daily or weekly. No one likes to mop the floor but everyone gets that opportunity occasionally. We have an understanding that those who work inside the home have just as much value as those who leave the house to earn a paycheck. Again, making the "dungeon" the common goal erases most conflict.

This is the part of any discussion I give where I am asked about jealousy between the girls. "How do you decide which one to sleep with?" Is the question I am asked. What a silly question! I have 2 girls that love and care for me. I have 2 girls that I love beyond all reason. We sleep together and why would any one do it differently? Each night I fall asleep between the two women who love me most in this life. We have our place in the bed. If one were missing, it would create a void that would keep us awake all-night.

We have reached the point where I am asked, "How do I go about setting up a poly household?" I have to ask why you want a poly household. If you are seeking the wonder of 2 or more writhing naked bodies in your bed, save yourself some trouble and rent an adult video. If you believe you can live and love more than one human being. If you have faith that love can grow in your heart exponentially. If you realize that any relationship is work, then you are almost ready. Before you proceed further, are you seriously willing to devote a minimum of 110% to your "dungeon"?

I am always available to counsel those who are genuinely interested in Polyamory. My girls are willing to answer your questions and give their views. There are resources available to anyone who takes the time to seek them. All you need to do is answer one question in your own mind. "Why?"







Back To General BDSM
E-mail Site Owner
Back To Home Page


Page by: Raven Shadowborne © 2001

Graphics & Buttons by: Aylissa Cair & Raven Shadowborne © 1999 & 2001





LnR Toy Store

Site Map


To hear of changes to the web site, or events taking place in the chat room, enter your e-mail address and click on the button below to join the LnRannounce mailing list. This is an announcement list only and is of very low volume. Or if you prefer, e-mail Raven ( ) to be added to the list, be sure to include your e-mail address and the name of the list within the e-mail.

Subscribe to LnRannounce
Powered by
Link To Domination