What To Do When The "New" Wears Off

Author: Knyghtflyher © 2001

Used With Permission. Knyghtflyher is associated with S.C. LOCKS


OK. You have found that which turns you on. You have found the "thing" that always trips your trigger. You have taken a submissive, you have done the "bondage" thing...the "flogging" thing...you have progressed up to ladder to new and more "dangerous" things...is there anything left?

Perhaps you are forgetting something! Play, as exciting as it is, as fulfilling as it is, is only one facet of a D/s relationship...one tiny part of the whole. Is it important? Hell, yes. It satisfies NEEDS for both the Dominant and the submissive. Can a realtionship survive without play? Probably, but there will, in my opinion, need to be accommodations made to ensure that the NEEDS of both parties are fulfilled.

But what is there outside of play? How about the love that has brought the two of you together? How about the daily give and take of any relationship in which two individuals share the same living space. How about the mere fact of the Domination/submission equation...the maintenance of the vision that brought the two of you together in the first place.

After you have visited the candy store, eaten all that you can possibly hold, had all the limits pushed to the nth degree, there is the relationship that still binds the two together. And, it is in maintaining this relationship in which the greatest challenge lives.

Well, relationship guru, you say, just what do we do next? To which I reply, "I don't have a clue!" Your relationship is whatever you make of it. I am not a part of it and, because of that, don't have any ideas on how to make it run. I can tell you, in general terms, what are positives in relationships and what are negatives, but most people have a pretty good idea of what those are. Love, honesty, caring, respect, etc. Pretty basic ideas. It is in the mix of these things that makes each individual relationship what it is, and they have to be decided by the couple in that relationship.

Cop out, you say! Damn betcha. If I had all the answers, or even a whole lot of them, I'd be writing books and making bazillions of dollars telling people the "How to" of relationships. Alas, I can't go there. But the basics that I listed above are just that...basics. They should be present in all relationships...of whatever type.

And, of those basics, I feel that respect is the most important of all. If there is no respect in a relationship, or the respect is one-sided, in my opinion, there is no need for the relationship to continue. No, I am not talking about the "respect" due a Dominant by his sub. I am talking about the simple respect that one individual should show to another. Well, you say, my respect has to be earned. And to that I say, "If the person you are paired with is not worthy of your respect than what in the blue blazes are you doing with this person?" If you, as an individual, have no respect for your partner, or feel that person is not worthy of your respect, and you are still with this person, then other issues are raised in my mind, and I don't want to go there either. That whole bag of garbage just reeks of "using" the other person, and having "ulterior" motives, etc, etc. If you cannot show respect to the other person in your relationship, and yet you remain, perhaps you should be looking inward at the motivations that are keeping you in that relationship.

But, I digress. It is at moments like these that we tell much about ourselves, and our beliefs. There are many who, when the new wears off, go find something, or someone "new", in an effort to satisfy themselves. Usually, this person cannot "find" a relationship in which they can be happy, and their pairings are brief, and usually tumultuous. TO BE CONTINUED







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