Author: jahna © 2002

Used With Author(s) Permission


The most common poly lifestyle outside of bdsm is Swinging. In most swinging relationships, both members of the couple make a choice together to act on sexual encounters outside of the marriage. Some couples are even monogamous with another couple (meaning they only will swing with each other).

Commonly among Swingers, the idea of "swinging" is OK, and even welcome, but the idea of having a sexual encounter outside of the swinging relationship (i.e. behind each others back) is a big no no.

I mention this because bb's post basically illustrates this idea very well. In her first two experiences she said go for it, and it seemed she was ok with it. In the last one, it was behind her back, and it wasn't OK, understandable.

There is a fine line between an open relationship and an affair which may not be visible to the outside world at large who doesn't understand the concept to begin with. Open relationships can work well, if everyone works together.

In the case of D/s, if it is understood before you enter into the relationship, that the possibility exists for the relationship to be opened, and both agree to it before hand (this means of course you both better think long and hard on it), you might have a better chance of success. For some d/s based lifestyles like maybe Gor where poly is very accepted, I should think that both parties again think deeply before entering into that life choice to make sure they are ready willing and able to live with the possible directions the relationship may lead.

In any case, despite the terms of the relationship, open communication, discussion and knowledge of where what and when the relationship changes directions is vital to keeping it alive and well. Lying, hiding, cheating etc. only tears apart the vital bonds of trust that makes any successful relationship into a disaster.

Yes I do live in a open relationship, yes we both discussed this before we opened it up, and we still do discuss it alot. We both came to the agreement, we both must be in total agreement over anyone else that may enter into our lives on this level. Cheating is not an option, honesty is what drives us.


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