Sub-space: Others Do It, Why Can't I?

Author: Bob Harris ©

used with permission. This article was originally written for the section of Gloria Brame's website called "Perspectives Of A Male Submissive".


Ever get the feeling that you're the only one out there who just doesn't get it? You hear other subs talking about being in another world, feeling like they're floating or having out of body experiences. That they don't feel the pain because the sting of the first few hits cause them to transcend to some never never land, totally submersed in a wonderful headspace.

You try and try. Concentrating on absorbing each blow of the whip. Trying to process the sting so it will carry you away. You're relaxed, fully trusting in the skill of the one at the other end of the whip. You know them well. There is no concern for your safety. Everything is perfect. Yet all you feel is pain. Your body tenses, your breathing becomes deeper, faster. Your pushing yourself to take all they can give and still be ready for more. You feel each blow, and each blow becomes more of a challenge, a challenge you willing accept. Yet you're still right there. Not floating. Not off in nirvana. Right there.

The blows finally stop. Your body relaxes. You feel a sense of pride in having taken it all. Of having resisted the urge to yell the safe word, instead, pushing yourself to accept more, expanding your pain threshold, pushing your limits. Pride in not quitting, in not disappointing the one on that other end of the whip. You gave them what they wanted, and in return, got what you needed. You enjoyed every minute of it, maybe even had one of the best scenes you've ever had. Your head is racing, your body is exhausted, you feel absolutely euphoric. But still you feel something is missing, something must be wrong with you. You didn't fly.

We have been so conditioned into thinking that the whole theory behind the concept of deriving pleasure from pain is based on somehow being able to mentally process the physical reality to produce an altered state of mind. A sort of hypnotic state that comes when the endorphins being produced by the brain take over and your mind convinces your body that what it feels isn't real. So obviously, since your feeling the pain, feeling each increase in intensity, there must be something that you either haven't been able to learn how to do, or are not capable of doing. Something must be wrong with you.

For a long time i felt the same way, and in a sense, was jealous of those who claimed to be able to reach that state of flying. Everybody i talked to seemed to be able to. Everything i read said i should be able to. i could not understand why i wasn't able to get there also. The only reason i could think of was that i hadn't found the right person that i trusted completely enough, to let myself go. That worked for a while, but when i did meet that someone, and still was unable to reach that flying headspace, i really began to worry.

Then i finally realized it wasn't a matter of something being wrong with me, or that something was missing. It was just that i approached getting whipped from a different viewpoint. Instead of trying to process the pain in order not to feel it, i see it as a physical challenge. i enjoy feeling and taking each blow. i enjoy pushing my body to accept more. Maybe i don't fly during the scene the way some do, but i sure do enjoy what is happening just the same. And i know that as soon as the whipping stops, as soon as i realize the scene is winding down, that i have passed the test and given my partner what they wanted, that's when my flight takes off. That's when i give into the adrenaline rush and let the endorphins take over. Talk about flying!

i've also discovered along the way, that there are a lot of Dominants who prefer a submissive who doesn't go off into that never never land headspace. They like to watch the sub's muscles reacting to each hit. Part of their enjoyment is in knowing that the sub is right there with them, working for them and with them. Doing their best to fulfill their duty of service, making sure that the Dominant is satisfied before allowing themselves enjoyment. A sub who goes off into space can't give them the type of reactions they are looking for. Might as well be flogging a brick wall. There is no connection, no exchange of energy, no sharing of the experience. After the scene, the sub may be totally satisfied, may have even been the best scene they have ever had. But the Dominant walks away feeling like all they got was a physical workout.

There are some areas of play, such as wax, bondage or temporary piercings, that do not consist of as intense a level of pain, where i do fly right from the beginning. But to consider myself somehow less capable as a sub because i don't react that way to the whip, No Way! i've stopped thinking that there is something wrong with me. i'd rather be there, feeling, pushing, connecting, sharing. That's what i enjoy. That's what makes me fly. Maybe it's the others who really don't get it.




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