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GENERAL COMMENTS
As is the case
with almost all sex, your partner will know better than anyone
else what feels
good, so listen to what she has to say, especially as regards
comfort and intensity.
I'm not going to pepper this document with phrases
such as "within
the comfort level of your partner" because it should go
without saying.
Encourage her to talk to you, back off if it's too much, and
change it if
it would feel better in some other way. Let's face it; if it weren't
for good feedback,
this document wouldn't exist.
It should also
go without saying that every woman is different, and that you
should pay attention
to what feels good for each person you are with. What
I'm going to
describe below has worked well with MANY of the people I
have been with,
but not ALL, and not in exactly the same way with each
person. One key
thing to get is that you can be communicative and responsive
while still being
confident. Practice this.
The advice in
this document applies equally whether the insertive partner is
male or female
(though if you close your eyes, it doesn't really matter, does
it...). It is
assumed, however, (except in the "ON MEN" section discussing the
prostate gland)
that the receptive partner has
female genitalia.
Oh, one other
thing. Most of the people around me have reclaimed the word
"cunt" so that
it no longer has derogatory connotations. I'm going to make
free use of that
term in this document.
THE BASIC TECHNIQUE
First, clip
your fingernails. Unless you and your partner are
latex-monogamous,
put on latex gloves. If you absolutely must have long
fingernails for
fashion reasons, then put cotton balls around your fingernails
and wear latex
gloves over them. Apply water-based lube liberally to your
insertive hand,
whether your partner is aroused and "wet" or not.
The idea in
general is to use the first and second fingers of one's preferred
hand in the vagina,
in one of two basic patterns. Alternate between these two
patterns as desired
during the course of sex.
1. Slowly insert
the fingers as far into the vagina as far as is
possible/comfortable,
and move them in even circles. The trick here is to keep
consistent, firm
pressure along the entire length of the fingers against the
vaginal walls,
and to keep the pressure fairly constant at all points in the
rotation (though
you can give a LITTLE extra pressure at 12 o'clock, in the
direction of
the G-spot, as long as you don't break the rotational rhythm.)
2. Place your
fingers so that the fingertips are just behind the pubic bone,
exerting pressure
upwards (assuming your partner is lying on her back). This
is direct G-spot
stimulation, and feels best if the fingers are subtlely moving
somehow. You
can slowly rock in a circular motion, or if the fingers are
pointed more
sharply upwards you can rock forwards and back. Sometimes
firm pressure
is preferred here, depending on the amount and sensitivity of
the tissue between
the vaginal wall and the urethral sponge (see below).
BUT WHY?
The reason this
feels so good is that it alternates feelings of being completely
stuffed (#1)
with direct G-spot stimulation (#2). So it's like being fucked by a
huge cock with
fingers and a brain. It also provides a great, and as far as we
know optimal,
opportunity for G-spot orgasms.
EMBELLISHMENTS
There's certainly
other techniques you can add to your manual repertoire.
You can thrust
your hand in and out in a simulated fucking style (and for an
extra thrill,
exert pressure upwards when withdrawing so you involve the
G-spot on the
way out).
You can use
your thumb (of the insertive hand, or of another gloved hand) to
stimulate the
clitoris while working over her cunt.
You can use
your non-insertive hand to do a wide variety of things:
* Holding her
* Running your hands over her body
* Pinching nipples
* Grabbing hair
* Holding her hands above her head
* Massaging/penetrating the anus (if she's lying on her side and your
anal hand is gloved and lubed)
* Having her suck your fingers
* Etc.
You can lie
down or crouch so that your head is next to hers and whisper hot
things in her
ear.
Some people
put smooth, round beads in the fingertips of their gloves to
provide more
intense sensations when they have their hand in someone.
Other people
slit their gloves up both sides, fold that up as a flap, and do oral
sex on the clit
through the flap while having their fingers in their lover's cunt
(though you might
want to get non-powdered gloves if you're going to do that
so they taste
better, or using a damp sponge wipe the powder off YOUR side
of the flap).
One thing I
personally can't do due to the size of my hands is actually
vaginally fist
someone. However, if your hands are small enough to do this
with one of your
female lovers and she's curious about it, it's definitely worth
a try. With your
hand palm up (and your lover on her back), you bring the
fingers and thumb
together to form a duck bill. With massaging, and possibly
twisting motions,
this can be worked into the vagina. If anatomy allows it,
once you get
in past the third knuckles the fingers will start to gently and
naturally curve
back to form a fist. Anyway, the whole procedure can take
time, but the
women and men who can take a whole fist vaginally or anally
claim that it
leads them to transcendant, spiritual states. See _Trust: The
Handballing Book_
by Bert Herrman for a discussion of anal fisting, if that is
your area of
interest.
Oh, and before
I forget... You and your partner might find the techniques
described in
this document to be more enjoyable if she is masturbating you as
you are masturbating
her (and whether you're male or female, remember the
lube!)
But after having
presented a multitude of specific techniques, let me say that
eventually you
can go beyond thinking about manual techniques at all and
just go with
the flow, being creative.
ON MULTIPLE ORGASMS
Most women who
have experienced both claim that it is easier to have
multiple G-spot
orgasms than it is to have multiple clitoral orgasms. So, when
you have your
hand in some lovely tart, don't let the fact that she starts
coming affect
what you're doing too much. Whisper some words of
encouragement
to her and maybe rachet up the intensity just a little bit, but
basically keep
going through her orgasm, afterwards, and into the next one.
Let HER tell
you when she can't take any more; no sense in setting a priori
limits :) There
is often a pyramid effect with multiple G-spot orgasms; each
one makes the
next one feel better, and makes almost anything else sexual feel
better too.
However, it
should be said that it isn't too sexually or psychologically
appealing to
have a huge ego/emotional stake in having orgasms or having
multiple orgasms,
whether the person of concern is you or your partner.
There's no point
in getting "goal oriented" about something that's supposed to
be fun.
ANATOMICAL MUSINGS ON FEMALE EJACULATION AND THE PRESENCE F THE
G-SPOT
I'm not a doctor,
and I don't even play one on TV. But...
According to
_The Good Vibrations Guide to Sex_ by Cathy Winks and Anne
Semans (which
you should ALL get), the G-spot, anatomically, is the area
beneath the urethral
sponge. This would certainly at least partially explain its
role in female
ejaculation. It also sheds light on why G-spot stimulation
makes some women
feel like they have to pee when they really don't (though
it HAS been shown
that female ejaculate is NOT urine).
If you're interested
in learning more on this topic you might consider
watching the
films _How to Female Ejaculate_ and _Sluts and Goddesses_.
Still, it should
be pointed out that female ejaculation is NOT a universal
response to G-spot
stimulation and orgasm; even among people who enjoy
G-spot orgasms,
it's still pretty rare.
So, since every
woman has a urethral sponge, every woman has a G-spot.
The only question
is whether (#1) she likes having it stimulated and (#2)
whether someone
has used the proper technique and sufficiently firm
pressure on it
so that it IS being stimulated. When surveys show that a large
percentage of
women claim not to enjoy/notice G-spot stimulation, I
personally suspect
that it is often through concern #2 rather than from
concern #1. That's
purely speculative, of course; I have no data to back up
that assertion.
But anyway, try what I'm describing with some friends of yours
and see what
you think.
ON FINGER LENGTH
It helps to have
long fingers, but it's no big deal. As long as your fingers can
reach the G-spot
and a little ways beyond, you're fine.
ON MEN
Many of these
g-spot techniques will work in a similar fashion on men when
performed anally.
Men have what is called a "prostate gland," the stimulation
of which can
provoke and/or intensify orgasms. One may stimulate the
prostate gland
with the fingers a few inches inside the anus by pressing
towards the penis.
The prostate gland can often be palpated, and often feels
like a little
dome. Please see Jack Morin's book Anal Pleasure and Health or
The Good Vibrations
Guide to Sex by Winks and Semans for more
information on
prostate stimulation.
SAFER SEX CHOICES
To be completely
safe with manual stimulation, you should wear gloves and
use lube.
The best gloves
to use are latex; vinyl feels terrible. It doesn't matter whether
the gloves are
powdered or not, but be sure they fit you properly. Also,
always use water-based
lube on the outside of your gloves, preferably
something nice
and thick (without Nonoxynol-9) like ForPlay. It doesn't
matter if the
receptive partner is highly aroused and "wet" or not; use lube
anyway. Oil-based
lubes like regular Crisco have their place in anal fisting,
but oils can
break down latex and can provoke vaginitis when used in the
vagina.
Anyway, turning
to safe sex in general for a moment, I've tried a lot of the
products out
there and have settled on the following:
Water-based Lube: ForPlay, without N-9
Latex Condoms: Kimono MicroThins, without N-9
Oral Barriers: Glyde "Lollyles"
Gloves: Standard Latex Examination Gloves, powdered
Towelettes: Benzalkonium Chloride antiseptic towelettes
The Kimono MicroThin
condoms taste fine for oral sex; certainly, they taste
better than powdered,
unlubed condoms and those mint condoms. The Glyde
barriers, like
all oral barriers, feel even better if you put a drop of water-based
lube on your
partner's side before applying them. Some people like to put a
drop of water-based
lube in the tip of a condom
before putting
it on to increase sensation.
GETTING SAFE SEX SUPPLIES
If you're in
Seattle or are willing to do mail order, the best place to get lube
is
Toys in Babeland
(206-328-2914) and the best place to get condoms and
Glyde oral barriers
is The Rubber Tree (206-633-4750). The best place to get
Antiseptic Towlettes
in Seattle is Choice Medical (206-329-1668), but through
mail order you
might try Conney (800-356-9100). The best place to get latex
examination gloves
in Seattle is Bartel drugs, but through mail order you
might try Conney
again (800-356-9100). If you want more information on
safer sex and
for a listing of sexuality resources, please refer to the Society for
Human Sexuality
WWW page at http://weber.u.washington.edu/~sfpse/
MAKING A SAFER SEX TOY BAG
You can make
a toy bag with your safe sex supplies in them which you can
just grab when
going out to play. With the lube, you can get a little bottle for
it that you can
refill from your economy bottle. Condoms and towelettes
come attached
to each other in groups, so they stay neat. You can put all the
Glyde dams in
one small zip-lock bag, and put a supply of gloves INSIDE
one glove for
storage. This whole kit should then fit in a hip pack or a pocket
of a bookbag
for a minimum of fumbling around in the heat of passion.
ON FILM
If you want to
get any of the films mentioned in this document (oh, and one
other we recommend:
_Safe is Desire_), you can buy them from Good
Vibrations (800-289-8423)
or if you're in Seattle rent them from Scarecrow
Video (206-524-8554).
Happy Loving!
The Society
for Human Sexuality at University of Washington
E-Mail: sfpse@u.washington.edu
WWW Home Page:
http://weber.u.washington.edu/~humsex/
Mailing List:
Send e-mail to listproc@u.washington.edu with "info shs"
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of the message.
Mail: University
of Washington / Society for Human Sexuality
SAO 141 / Box
352238 / Seattle, WA 98195
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