Christians and BDSM Q&A

Author: Sir Gardener ©
Christians and BDSM Site

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This question and answer list is the offshoot of an e-mail lambsone sent to two of the mail lists that she and I are on. I answered the questions and then realized that they would make a good page for the website.

Q:So exactly what is "Christian" BDSM?
A:First off, I do not like the term "Christian BDSM". It infers a relationship between the two terms that I feel should not be made. That is why I named this site "Christians and BDSM". However, having said that, I will say that I feel that "Christian" BDSM is a relationship between two believers who have agreed together that they want their relationship to incorporate some or all of the dynamics of BDSM.

Q: Does it differ from "secular" BDSM?
A: It does differ from secular BDSM in that the relationship is (or should be) confined to a husband and wife in male dominant/female submissive roles. Also, the Bible is the ultimate authority... if something is "accepted" in BDSM circles but prohibited by the Bible, then it is prohibited in a Christian BDSM relationship.

Q: Are BDSM relationships different in Christian BDSM? If so, how do they differ?
A: See Above

Q:How are Christian BDSM relationships similar to secular BDSM relationships?
A: Secular BDSM cannot be easily categorized. There are as many different ways to "do" BDSM as there are people to do them. The relationships are the same, however as (and when) they are based in love and not the selfish pursuit of self gratification.

Q: Can we do anything we want in Christian BDSM?
A: CAN we? Of course! SHOULD we? Of course NOT!

Q: If not, what are the prohibitions for Christian BDSMers?
A: Anything prohibited by the Bible, plus anything not agreed upon by the couple. Of course, limits may be pushed or changed. One might say their limit is "no canes", but if they agree to try it then the limit may be challenged. It may stand, or it may change, but it should be done by mutual agreement.

Q: Are Christian BDSM folk a legitimate group of BDSMers?
A: Yes... or to put it another way, "Why wouldn't we be a legitimate group of BDSMers?"

Q: Why aren't Christian BDSM folk accepted by some secular BDSM folk?
A: IMHO, they look at their adopting a BDSM lifestyle as flying in the face of what they believe is traditional Christian morality. To find Christians in the lifestyle challenges their belief. They cannot handle this challenge to their stereotyping of Christians, so they reject those Christians who are in the lifestyle.

Q: Can we say what is always Christian BDSM and what is always not Christian BDSM?
A: No, except to the extent of what is Biblically prohibited. After that, it is different for each couple. Some may live a strictly D/s relationship without any bondage or S&M while others may practice domestic discipline (DD), either with or without the structure of a D/s relationship. Others may include bondage and/or S&M into their relationship in varying degrees.

Q: Does Christian BDSM work out in daily life? If so, how?
A: IMHO, yes, it does. The dominance and submission aspect of BDSM models the traditional Biblical marriage relationship, while the bondage and S&M aspects enrich the sex lives of those who partake of them.

Q;What should a Christian dominant think about himself?
A: I feel that a Christian dominant should think of himself as a steward of the submissive that God has given him. Speaking for myself, I think of myself as a caretaker and guardian of my submissive... one who has a charge to protect and nurture her.

Q: What should a Christian submissive think about herself?
A: I'll have to ask gentle^spirit to address this in a later post, also.

Q: What should a Christian dominant think about his submissive?
A: A Christian dominant should think of his submissive the same way that God thinks of her. Again using myself as an example, I believe that my submissive is my "treasured possession" just as God called Israel His "treasured possession" (Exodus 19:4-6)

Q: What should a Christian submissive think about her dominant?
A: I'll have to ask gentle^spirit to address this in a later post, also.

Q: How do the thoughts of a Christian dominant differ from those of a secular dominant?
A: I feel that the difference between a Christian dominant and a secular dominant revolve around who they focus on in the relationship. While I don't believe that all secular dominants are this way, I do feel that many put their own needs and desires far above those of their submissives. Christian dominants should put the welfare of their submissives before their own needs. As for me, my thoughts are for my submissive first and for my own pleasure and gratification second. My greatest gratification comes from seeing her grow and prosper.

Q: How do the thoughts of a Christian submissive differ from those of a secular submissive?
A: I'll have to ask gentle^spirit to address this in a later post, also.

Q: How does the treatment of a submissive by a Christian dominant differ from treatment of a submissive by a secular dominant?
A: RESPECT... I'm not trying to say that secular dominants do not respect their submissives, just that I cannot see a dominant who calls himself a Christian not respecting his submissive.

Q: How does the treatment of a dominant by a Christian submissive differ from the treatment of a dominant by a secular submissive?
A: I'll have to ask gentle^spirit to address this in a later post, also.

Q: Have Christian BDSMers made BDSM better or have we just adopted the secular BDSM habits, traditions, etc.?
A: While there are many aspects of BDSM that are the same whether you talk of Christian or secular BDSMers, it all depends on whether you bring Biblical principles into the relationship or use the BDSM aspects to pollute the relationship.

Q: If a Christian dominant expects his submissive to let him lead her 100%, should he expect to replace God in the submissive's life?
A: He shouldn't. The dominant should be led 100% by God; so, by extension, hey should be leading his submissive 100% by God's direction. In other words, the dominant should assist his submissive in her relationship with God and not stand in the way of that relationship. In fact, the dominant should encourage his submissive's spiritual relationship, and correct any wavering from that path.

Q: If a Christian submissive is 100% submissive to her dominant, does that mean that she no longer has a personal relationship with God and can only go through her dominant to talk to and obey God?
A: Absolutely not. The D/s relationship does not supplant her relationship with God. It is only a shadow of that relationship. The submissive is still responsible for her own spiritual relationship with God.

Q: What kind of consequences does a Christian dominant receive when he sin?
A: That depends. If the dominant sins alone, he receives the sin consequence he should. If he causes his submissive to sin, IMHO he also takes on her sin as the one who led her to sin.

Q: If a Christian dominant is supposed to present the submissive before God as a clean vessel, does this mean that when the submissive sins, the dominant has to bear the consequences since he was in charge and failed to keep the submissive on the straight and narrow?
A: No. The submissive does not give up her free will in the eyes of God (again, IMHO), so if she sins independently of her dominant's leading, she alone is responsible for that sin. For example, would you blame the dominant for the submissive having an adulterous relationship on her own?




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