Edge Play 1

Author: Extremis © 1998

   Edge play, for me, is play which hovers at the edge of limits and/or safety. It is, perhaps, an activity which forgets safe and sane, but retains consensuality. It's something that Drow and I indulge in from time to time - examples being needle play (I have a needle phobia) and strangulation (NOT asphyxiation - he doesn't cut off my air supply, just (just!!!!) the flow of blood to the brain). The obvious question is, why do we do it?  

   Well....I suppose it's the ultimate expression of trust - it's an extremely intimate experience. Edge play, as I mentioned above, can fall into one of two categories - that which is a personal 'edge', and that which is inherently dangerous to the point of being life threatening. The trust issue for both is similar, and that's the defining characteristic of edge play, I believe. When a sub consents to undergo an experience which is at the edge of her limits, she is letting go of her instinct of self preservation - she is placing her trust entirely in her dominant. She is, in some cases literally, placing her life in his hands. What greater expression of trust can there be?  

   In the case of truly dangerous play, this is not an activity for the inexperienced or those who are not part of a deep, caring relationship (in my opinion). Yes, I know there are some 'sensation seekers' who enjoy edge play for the thrill it gives them - but personally, I wouldn't risk my life for a thrill. I would and do risk it, on an irregular basis, to experience those moments of complete intimacy - to express my feelings for Drow - to give him everything. I don't see submission as a gift - I'm of the power EXCHANGE school - we give, we get, it's a transaction, not a donation <g>. Edge play is demanding for both parties - the dominant has to be able to bear the burden of responsibility that allows it to happen. He has to be aware of the potential consequences, and be willing to risk them. He has to be able to judge his capability to perform the activities - and he has to be able to back off if he thinks his experience is not up to the task. He has to be honest with himself and his submissive. So ...there we have it - the sub displaying ultimate trust, the dom being ultimately honest. Trust and honesty are the foundations of any valid relationship - edge play is our way of making them manifest. This is how edge play can deepen and strengthen a relationship. This is why we do it.  

   I would not advocate such activities for all. It's a matter of personal choice - it is not a goal to be worked towards, and ticked off on the 'things we must do to be a proper BDSM couple' list. It doesn't make our way of doing things any better than anyone else's - it may, indeed, be exactly the opposite - these activities may be what helps to give BDSM a bad image. But this is something that we do, and I have tried to explain why we do it. I don't intend to explain HOW we do it in a public forum - I think that would be irresponsible. I'm open to public and private discussion of the motivation behind the acts, but that's as far as it goes. As for how he learnt to do it - many years martial arts and military training is the answer.....and there is still a risk every time we do this. I think we'd been living together for about a year before we tried it for the first time - and, as I said, we don't do it regularly. It's not safe, it's on the edge of sane (which side of the edge is a matter of personal opinion!), but it IS consensual. And the rewards, for us, are great. 


 (used with permission of extremis) 



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