Sweet Sadist

Author: Anonymous by request © LnR


Well here goes folks, a little peek into a small town boys life and adventures into the man he is today. I was asked by ravenshad a friend of mine for the past few years to compose an article about how I got into BDSM activities. 

 I was raised in a fairly religious medium to low income midwestern family with a strong emphasis on Honesty, Integrity, Loyalty, Manners, Respect and a sense of family. I was not an abused kid I had rules, I was punished if I broke them, I was not neglected in any way shape or manner and until the age of 17 attended church regularly and was baptized into the faith of that church. I was a member of the Churches Youth Counsel and helped run activities. I was also instilled with a strong sense of service to county and was hot to go to war in Vietnam in the manner of many a young  Midwestern boy in that area. The war ended before I graduated and I changed my intentions from the Marine Corps to the Navy and joined the summer I graduated high School. I was engaged to my fiancee as many were in my area and went off to Boot Camp and other schools. The engagement was broke off 2 weeks before the wedding my fiancé married another boy from the area. This is what kind of set me up for later events. 

I became very demanding in relationships and a "me only" type of person. The little childish things that a kid does when he is young were modified to a different setting and subject.  And, yes, I am referring to pulling the wings off flies, and a few other sadistic things that some boys tend to do. This is pretty opposite to my upbringing. On the outside I was still a polite gentlemanly person. I did however go through lady friends at a sad pace because of my selfishness and unwillingness to allow hurt to happen and would take all the advantages I could and when things got to serious, break up the relationship. My "use them and loose them" stage (which I might add I am not all too proud of but it is part of what I am and was at the time). 

I was sent to Mare Island California for further training after about 2 years in the Navy. I met many a young lady and continued on my current philosophy of getting a lot and giving little. One night while cruising a bar in San Francisco, I stumbled into a place that was calm, quiet, and filled with a good ratio of ladies to men. My kind of place to get lucky. I set down and within a half hour I get three beers placed in front of me. Now I am looking for my running partner, another lone wolf who ran in my small pack, thinking he was getting me drunk again so I would go with the not as good looking half of a target couple of ladies. Well he was not there so I asked the bartender who bought the beers. He pointed to a lady in one corner, he pointed to a lady in another corner and then one at a table. Okay your thinking "Wow! Only in Penthouse" right? Me too. I struggled with my pride for several minutes then decided what the heck, They paid for my drink the least I could do was say hello and take a chance, even though it was not the way of my world because women just did not buy men drinks. I went to the first lady talked for a little while explained that I had to thank the other two ladies as well, I did so and returned to the first lady who was probably close to 15 years older than my 20. I went out with her for a few weeks and enjoyed her company a lot <G> but I was a Rich Lady's human accessory at parties. It did not click with my mode of liking so we parted ways. I went back to the bar to find one of the other ladies several days later, I casually walked over and asked her if I could return the favor of the other night and buy her a drink. 

So off I went to have another enjoyable few weeks, this lady was different. She seemed to get more from making me happy. No request was off limits and in fact she would introduce things to my small town hick self. It started with me calling her as many and as filthy names as she performed oral sex on me, the dirtier and more degrading the better for her. It led to things like hand cuffs, floggers, crops, clamps, blindfolds, going to a local club where she was damn near naked and wearing a collar and my hand holding the leash. Her happy to be setting at my feet her head on my lap and referring to her as "My Filthy Little Slut" or play toy. I was given a whip to learn how to use. Which I did a piss poor job of. Small things did not register like not wearing shorts when practicing, doing practice in a low ceiling room, what back lash was etc. She would take a clamp and place it on my body, asking my permission. then she would have me do it a few times, and then when I was confident, I would place it on hers. At first she would lead me through the scene. As time went on she would endure my mistakes and inexperience as well. Small bruises and welts worn with pride and a smile. I was hooked, someone who did not mind the sadistic little tendencies that lay beneath the surface, someone who did not want anything but to give and have me take, someone who allowed me
to feed on her pain and pleasure and take it back in other ways from me. Needless to say I cared for her a lot in a sweet but sadistic way. 

Then I finished school and I found out that I could not remain in the area, it was discussed like many things, pro cons what was going right and wrong She could not leave S.F. I had to go. Her job was prestigious and I had my obligations. Promises we made to keep in touch faltered, and I told her to find another probably the most "kind thing I had done to a woman in years". I left and went on with my life. I found that the catharsis of that relationship had bottled up that anger and hurt that triggered my not so nice guy behavior.

I got married to a very vanilla lady who eventually turned into a nun....ie None of this None of that, I don't like sex or anything new. I managed to father two wonderful children and eventually got a divorce and she moved off with number 9 boyfriend. 

A lot of soul searching has occurred over that past. Along with that soul searching has come a lot of growth both emotionally and mentally. Sometimes this growth was achieved very slowly and painfuly. 

None of what I have done is what I would call a true Master or Real Dominant it is just circumstances that lead up to uncovering my BDSM tendencies. I perhaps will never be a True Master or Dominant in my honest opinion because of my view of what perfection in a Dominant is. I have my goal to evolve in that direction..to achieve as close as I can my definition of a Real or True Master or Dominant. 

Sweet Sadist


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