in charge - The step-by-step guide to the basics of BDSM proceed discussing
the meaning of the single roles, Dominant and submissive, their typical
traits, their flaws and their most interesting aspects. This time we'll
discuss the Capital Letters Role, the one in charge - or at least supposed
to be so...
role is first of all The Role. Is the Dom, male, female or group, the
active subject in a BDSM situation. From him derives every action, for
his satisfaction is all done, every step of the play is an emanation
of his will. Charging as Dominant is surely more complex then its specular.
In fact it is the directive role, in charge for everything going on
during the play. He have to assume every responsibility and lead, giving
orders, creating and managing rituals and situations, dictating (and
modifying) rules, deciding and imposing punishments or rewards. And
the responsibilities of the Dom aren't of course limited to the scenery
and the play itself - accepting the sub offer of his body, mostly along
with his heart and soul to play with, the Dom gets the right to enjoy
them, but also the responsibility to drive them through pain but not
gaining pleasure from sub pain and also experience are important basis
for a Dom, but far more important are sensitiveness and firmness of
the role, real fundamentals for a satisfactory BDSM play. Some culture,
a sharp intuition and an intense commanding behaviour completes the
picture of the Dominant role. The one everything had to bend to, nothing
can be claimed from and hold the submissive as a tool and a property.
Obviously there are different ways to be a Dom as many different Doms.
That role is highly individual, being essentially an amplification of
personal preferences and attitudes. There are sweet and cruel, ennobles
and gross, unpredictable and determined, forbearing and relentless.
Leading the game in a BDSM play: that's what bound them all. A particular
care shall be from Doms about managing the sessions. Choosing tools,
dresses and games to play is a very important task, usually being fetish
a strictly related component of BDSM play. Of course every Dom will
manage that duty at his own will and tastes
GETS MORE THEN A KICK
little thing about the play itself and the technique. There are some
so-called Doms used to impose brutality and violence to discipline offences
or for their own amusement. Personally i find it useless and dangerous.
Who use violence show simply not to be able to gain the same goal (to
discipline, humiliate or submit) with his simple will power. Those are
then weakness symptoms not matching with the Dominant role in a BDSM
relationship. Moreover, they can be very likely symptoms of mental and/or
behavioral pathologies. Of course i am talking about serious and repeated
acts of brutality, not about rare single occasions or frequent little
acts in a long relationship. There are indeed some games or practices
like spanking or whipping where can be expressed even a high degree
of violence, without risk of serious harming. Risks that have nothing
to do with sex nor BDSM.
personal addendum: i have been under whip and heels of some Mistresses
in my experiences. And, as a switch, i also had some delicious flowers
at hand at times. And i can say one thing about Dom role: IMHO the more
important benefit in a Dom is irony. Yes, being assertive made the sub
feel held. And yes, being cruel excite him/her and, if you have the
attitude, is simply delicious. But acting like a god can also be very
dangerous for the play itself... What if that god fails? What if He/She
stumble on the carpet and land goofy on the floor? What if He/She crash
the lamp while whistling the whip? Dom or not, we remain human being
with all our weakness and dumbness. So in my opinion is far more a good
idea to express our "power" with a funny grin then a severe
look. And to try to remember (also if not showing it) that we are just