What I Have Learned Of Dominance

Author: J. Mikael Togneri ©

used with permission


Often, the topic of experience comes up when discussing BDSM. Experience, to me, includes what I have learned as time has gone on. I was born dominant and actively entered this lifestyle when I was seventeen, 22 years ago. I find myself today at the extreme "hard-line" end of the BDSM spectrum, a minority within a minority. Do I have experience? Yes. Do I hold strong views? Certainly  -  even 
controversial ones. Do I have much still to learn? Of course. Everyone does.  

What I have learned thus far can be summed up as follows: 

A dominant is a ruler, never a tyrant. 
- But to rule requires understanding, and understanding requires humility. 

A dominant has pride, but never arrogance. 
- But pride requires dignity, and dignity requires humility. 

A dominant commands respect, never fear. 
- But respect requires serenity, and serenity requires humility. 

A dominant employs strength, but never force. 
- But strength requires knowledge, and knowledge requires humility. 

A dominant criticises, but is never offended. 
- But criticism requires insight, and insight requires humility. 

A dominant receives, but never takes. 
- But receiving requires giving, and giving requires humility. 

A dominant completes, but never tries to alter. 
- But to complete one must be able to see what is there, 
  not what is missing, and this most of all requires humility. 

In short, to use an archaic phrase, "noblesse oblige." If a dominant is the 
centre of a submissive's universe, it is because *she* thinks so, not 
because he does. If you are as serious about this lifestyle as you state, 
then you already know that the kind of submissive who will swoon just 
because you enter a room is not the genuine article. No one is obeyed, let 
alone respected, just coz. The truth of the matter is that owning is at 
least as much work as being owned.  


The above was removed from a larger context and is being used with the author's permission. Comments are welcome.



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