Common Online Myths

Author: Terri{The Wolf's Own} © 2000 used with permission

This article is copyrighted to the stated author(s) and can not be reproduced, copied, reprinted, or posted without the consent of the author. It is used here with permission of the author.



One thing that has become very apparent to me is the amount of common online myths associated with Ds or BDSM. Some of them annoy the hell out of me, some of them want to make me cringe. But I will attempt to go through some of the myths/beliefs that for some reason are very prevalant online, and hopefully explain why they do not apply to me.

I am a Dom/Master, Hear me Roar

Sending an instant message to me on icq or other, and claiming to be a Dom, and expecting instant respect. I have to ask. Why??? Anyone can cap their name, or type in all caps, it doesnt make them a Dom, it doesnt even make them an adult. It simply, til proven otherwise, makes them someone with an ISP, ICQ, and some small ability to type. I say small ability, becuase most of those who seem to use this method replace you with u, I see with ic, etc. Shouting face to face wouldnt make you a Dom, so why do people think the online equivilant makes them a Dom online. It doesnt. I could easily walk into a chat room with my name capped and claim to be a Domme, it wouldnt make me one, but the odds are I could pull it off better than most who contact me this way.

Name Calling

"kneel, bitch."
I dont understand what it is that would make someone think that greeting a total stranger as bitch, whore, slut etc would make them welcome. Call me that to my face, and I'll proberbly slap you, or throw a drink over you. Its not polite, its out right rude. I havent acted in any way shape or form that warrents such words being thrown at me. I am human, not canine, so the term bitch doesnt apply to me. I am not a prostitute, so the term whore doesnt apply to me. I do not and never have slept around, so the term slut doesnt apply to me. The ONLY person who ever has the right to call me by those names is my Master. That is His right, something we have agreed upon in long discussion before the collar ever went on, and never something He would call me in public.

Kneel and Worship Me

The other part of the  'kneel, bitch' message. Submission isnt something that is given away to some stranger on icq. I am not saying (before anyone emails me about this) that online Ds collars mean nothing, what I am trying to say is this. Be it online or in real life, submission isnt given away to a complete stranger just becuase He greets you by the phrase kneel bitch/slut etc. You talk, perhaps for many months, perhaps only a few days, but something is felt within the submissive, a need, a desire to submit to this one. There are those we can meet, normally face to face, where this submission is felt instantly. From those I have spoken to this is RARE. And even when felt it is simply not wise to instantly submit to that person. Kneel to show respect if that is something you feel towards them, kneel and beg for a collar from a stranger, not wise. Potentially dangerous, infact. So contacting someone on ICQ or in a Chat room and expecting them to kneel instantly to you, is a joke. At least to me.

You are not worthy

Of what?
And Why?
And who are you to judge me?
ahhhh yes, of course, they mean of their presence online. This one always makes me laugh. Yes there are some submissives that serve their Dom/mes out of a feeling of not being worth anything. I am not one of them. I am very proud of being strong enough to admit that I am submissive to my Master. My Master is very proud of me. Yes some subs are into humilation, I am not. Its not something that is written in stone that all subs must enjoy. We are NOT all alike, that is part of being Human.

If you are a submissive You MUST Obey Me

I have one question to ask about this..
I have read everything I can (though by no means as much as some people), talk to as many people who live this way as I can possibly talk to, and I have to find this mysterious contract that I am supposed to have signed somewhere down the line that says I have to obey everyone who claims to be a Dom. So I have come to the conclusion it doesnt exist. A submissive obeys the Man or Woman He or She is collared to, or has been told to obey by his or her Master or Mistress, if their lifestyle includes temporarily extending that obediance to another. And not all Ds collars/relationships include this. You cannot command a submissive that is in someone elses collar without at the very very least, permission from that subs Master/Mistress, it would be like taking someones car without permission. Its a form of Theft, and shows extreme lack of respect for the collar.

I am Your Masters Master

Yes, I have actually had some people claim this. And after I clean up the coffee, juice etc and stop choking, my normal response is this. My Master does not have a Master, He has never been a sub, never worn a collar, and I dont appreciate liars. Yes, there are those Dom/mes that have at one time or another been a submissive, or slave. Sometimes it is becuase this is how they learned. (I have been told this was in some ways common in the Old Guard and Leather brigade) That Dom/me may still have a lot of respect for the person they were once collared to, but I have yet to hear them still call that person Master. I am not saying it doesnt happen, simply that I have never come across it. My Master didnt learn that way, so does not have a Master.

All Masters share their subs/slaves

Some do , some dont. Some Ds couples are Monogamous, they dont play with others, or serve others. Some are Poly, it is something the couple discuss before the collar ever goes on. And they dont normally share with complete strangers. Would you give your brand new, prized sports car away to a complete stranger off the street to drive away with it..?? If the answer is yes, I would truly suggest that you either have more money than sense, or you simply dont care what happens to it. If you dont care, why bother having it in the first place.? 

Real Slaves dont have limits

And what do you define as limits?
I am a slave, my Masters slave. I have limits. What makes me a slave is my Masters wish. Not someone elses beliefs, rules or regulations. I have never met someone who doesnt have some form of limits, what often seems to happen is the sub finds a Dom whose limits match their own, or close enough that there is not a problem.

Ds = S&M

I think this is one of the most misunderstood things online. That being involved in Ds means I must enjoy pain. It doesnt mean that at all. It doesnt mean there isnt any pain in our relationship, only that its not
the b all and end all of what we do. My Master doesnt like inflicting pain, and I am not overly into recieving pain, so it works out very well for us. Ds = Dominance and submission S&M = Sadism and Masocism. The Giving and recieving of pain for pleasure of one or both. No where does it say that Ds has to include S&M or the S&M has to mean a Ds relationship.

submissive doesnt mean doormat. It takes a great amount of courage to admit you feel submissive to someone, and to be willing to take that first and subsequent steps into this life. Either in play ot 24/7 or
anything inbetween. My Master and I talked long and hard about doing this. I wasnt forced, coerced, threatened into it. And He doesnt want a 'yes Master, anything you say Master' He wants a strong confident woman that just happens to be submissive to Him. This seems to surprise some of the 'doms' online when they are politely told to sod off when they have tried to order me around.

There are many more online myths, more than I have had the chance to write about yet, but I am sure I will sooner or later. What saddens me is those that actually think this is the Way it is in Real Life. That they can, after proclaiming themselves a Dom, walk up to any sub, insult her, slap her or order her around. It takes the whole idea of Consent out of Ds , and puts it in the reams of abuse. When you tell them this, they get astonded, often replying with the.."But subs like to be abused dont they, thats what this is all about..isnt it" And the fact they truly dont get it, is the saddest thing of all. There are some wonderful people online, that dont act like this at all. That have helped me learn, encouraged me, and in some rare cases become very good friends. So before anyone thinks I have a problem with online, I dont, just with some of the myths here.

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