LDR: Long Distance Relationships

Author: Raven Shadowborne © 1998

This article is copyrighted to the stated author(s) and can not be reproduced, copied, reprinted, or posted without the consent of the author. It is used here with permission of the author.



   With the advent of the internet we have seen the emergence of long distance relationships in numbers much higher than there were without the internet. Many people now meet over the internet, fall in love and conduct relationships through a computer screen and telephone contact. These relationships are very similar to what is termed r/l relationships. They also have some pitfalls all their own and require some extra effort on the parts of those involved. 

   What each person is looking for in an on-line relationship must be discussed before hand. If your needs don't match, then entering into an LDR through cyber with that person is not a good idea. You will be setting yourself up for hurt. For example, if you are looking for an eventual r/l relationship, and the person you are attracted to is looking only for some on-line play, then don't get involved. Don't fool yourself into thinking you can change someone else's mind or outlook on things. It doesn't work in reality, it won't work in an LDR. 

   The similarities between an LDR and a regular r/l relationship are the emotions involved. An LDR can indeed have love present for the participants, whether or not they see each other very often. They also require work, just like a r/l relationship. They also require attention for both parties. In these ways and many others, there is little difference between an LDR and a r/l relationship.  

   LDR's do have pitfalls which those who live closer to one another don't have to contend with as much. Lack of attention is one of them. Being lonely is another. Lack of physical contact on a regular basis is yet another. Effective communication at a distance is difficult to maintain, but not impossible. 

   LDR's can work very well for those involved provided they are committed to the relationship. In an LDR, conducted through this medium, it is imperative that the people involved react and act the way they would in reality. Don't sugar coat who you are or hide things of the relationship will not work. For trust to grow and love to remain, the people involved have to be honest with one another and have to be HUMAN.  

   To help make an LDR easier, there are millions of little things the people involved can do to let the other one know they are thinking of them and care about them. Send a short email note, or go to those web sites which send virtual cards, gifts or flowers. They take just a few moments to send and the recipient will be appreciative of the gesture and sign of your caring. Spending time together is important as well. You may think that not meeting online is not a big deal, but it becomes one when that is the only venue you have to speak with each other on a regular basis. Consistent time devoted to one another is a necessity. There are many things you can do with each other on the net. There are game sites where you can play each other in games like hearts, or even more interactive role play games if those are what you enjoy. There are plenty of different types of chat rooms where you can go and learn more about the things you both enjoy, therefor learning more about each other and spending time together. Share those things which you find on the net with your partner. Send them the URL's of the web sites you have visited and find interesting. Talk about those things as you would in real life. 

   Trust is a big issue in an LDR. You must be able to trust your partner's word when they give it. Do your best to always live up to the promises you make. If you say you will call or be online at a certain time, be there. Don't push it aside. If you can't be there, let your partner know as soon as possible. Treat your partner the same way you would if they lived just across town from you.  

   The success or failure of an LDR depends highly upon the honesty and commitment of those involved. If you role play who you are, the relationship is destined to failure. Role playing interactions between each other, including cyber sex, can enhance the relationship immensely. The words you type do not appear as just "words on the screen" to the person reading them. They hit the heart and mind of the reader very quickly and are very important. 

   Many LDR's do not last because those involved were not honest with each other. As well as because of a lack of attention and time spent together. So if you truly wish the relationship to last and eventually move into reality, you have to make the extra effort an LDR takes. 

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