Going From Cyber To Real Life

Author: Raven Shadowborne © 1998

This article is copyrighted to the stated author(s) and can not be reproduced, copied, reprinted, or posted without the consent of the author. It is used here with permission of the author.



Many people, specially in D/S channels on IRC, will form relationships. Eventually they may wish to take the relationship into real life. Meet face to face, see if what they feel is real or just an illusion. They may wish to meet and have a scene in real life. Many people experience their first BDSM sessions this way. A person may become wrapped up in the feelings they have and lose site of their personal safety. 

When taking a relationship from cyber to real life it is a good idea to be patient and take your time. Be sure you really want to meet this person. Talk with the person on the phone, often, before setting up any real life meetings. These phone conversations should be more than just once or twice and include mundane topics of discussion as well as BDSM ones. 

Get as much information about the person as you can. Their full name, home address, telephone number (both home and work), etc. If the person refuses to divulge this information it could be a sign that he/she isn't being totally honest with the details of their life. If this is the case, ask yourself if you really want to place your life in the hands of someone who is either lying or hiding something. 

Set the initial meeting in a public place. Inform a close friend of where you will be and with who. Give your friend a good description (preferably a picture) of the person you are meeting in case this is needed by authorities later. Set up safe calls with your friend. These are set times that you are supposed to call your friend and let them know that you are all right. If you miss your set time to call, the safe person should attempt to reach you, if they can not then they should be instructed to call the authorities. This goes for both doms and subs. 

It is a good idea to not plan any play sessions for an initial meeting, but so many do it anyway. If play is planned or even considered a real possibility, it should be discussed in as much detail as possible. The place of the session should be known in advance, and that information given to your safe call. For example, if it is to be in a hotel room, the hotel's name address and telephone number should be given to your safe call. Be sure you have a safe word in place. If you feel at all uncomfortable, do NOT play. A person who is being honest and up front should not be angered by giving you the information. In my opinion, they should willingly volunteer it. 

Some have said having a written and signed "contract" or scene negotiation form such as the one that can be found here, is a good idea. I am not so sure as it holds no legal binding for either party, but can be used to show prior consent should a person cry abuse or rape after the fact. 

You are ultimately responsible for your own safety. Be sure you check everything out before jumping in. There are many who have been seriously injured, even killed, meeting a person from cyber. WIth the possible repercussions being so high, it is better to be safe than sorry. 

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