The topic of experience often comes up when discussing BDSM. Experience
is the sum-total of everything we have learned in a given field, and everything
that we will learn in future. I was born dominant and actively entered
this lifestyle when I was seventeen, over two decades ago. I find myself
today at the extreme "hard-line" end of the BDSM spectrum, a
minority within a minority. Do I have experience? Yes. Do I hold strong
views? Certainly – even controversial ones. Do I have much still
to learn? Of course; everyone does. What I have learned thus far can be
summed up as follows:
- A dominant is a ruler, but never a tyrant.
But to rule requires understanding, and understanding requires humility.
- A dominant has pride, but never arrogance.
But pride requires dignity, and dignity requires humility.
- A dominant commands respect, but never fear.
But respect requires serenity, and serenity requires humility.
- A dominant employs strength, but never force.
But strength requires knowledge, and knowledge requires humility.
- A dominant criticises, but never derides.
But criticism requires insight, and insight requires humility.
- A dominant receives, but never takes.
But receiving requires giving, and giving requires humility.
- A dominant completes, but never tries to alter.
But to complete one must be able to see what is there, not what is missing,
and this most of all requires humility.
In short, to use an archaic phrase, noblesse oblige. If a dominant
is the centre of a submissive's universe, it is because she thinks
so, not because he does. No one is respected, let alone obeyed, just coz.
The truth of the matter is that owning is at least as much work as being
Back To Essay 4: Let What You Have
Said Be Done To Me
Forward to Essay 6: Reality Check